Surviving the Spotlight: Coping with Stress, Anxiety, and Depression Featuring DJ Sir Styles | EP 30

How Do Musicians Survive Their Addiction to Drugs, Sex and Fame?

 Dr. Stephanos Ioannou sits down with international music artist, producer, and DJ Sir Styles for a raw and honest conversation about mental health. Behind the glamorous facade, they expose the vulnerable, human side of the music industry that often remains hidden.

Sir Styles shares his personal journey and challenges faced by those who have experienced fame. They have a constructive conversation regarding depression, the importance of seeking help, and the transformative nature of self-expression. 

Chapters:

00:02:33 - Overcoming Stage Fright and Performance Anxiety

00:05:19 - Coping With The Pressures of the Music Industry

00:11:37 - DJ Seeks Professional Help for Mental Health Struggles

00:22:21 - Exploring the Power of Positive Psychology

00:35:19 - Sex, Drugs, and Addictions In the Music Industry

00:42:25 - Dealing with Fame and Attraction

He shares how easy it is to develop unhealthy associations between substances and creativity/performance. He cautions the very real dangers, with alcohol being a leading factor connected to suicide.

If you or anyone you know has ever struggled with mental health this episode is a must listen. Learn how music is capable of healing wounds and bridging divides.

Press play and get ready to be inspired, moved, and empowered to embrace your own path to mental wellness.

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Transcript

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:00:00]:
We have fucked up as a society.

Sir Styles [00:00:03]:
I had this very good friend. In the beginning of COVID, we lost him.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:00:08]:
Suicide?

Sir Styles [00:00:09]:
Yeah. And it got me thinking because I never had suicidal thoughts. But it started a philosophical conversation in my head. And, honestly, clearly, philosophically, I was starting to lose the conversation. Like, the arguments were more in favor of than instead. It it gave me a lot of perspective on like, I didn't like, I had it in the back of my head, but I couldn't really say I that I had I was suffering from depression. But, apparently, I was. And now I knew, you're 3 days in bed.

Sir Styles [00:00:42]:
You don't even get out of bed to, like, have a shower or, like, cook a meal.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:00:54]:
I'm here at instant soup Consortium organized by Triple 4. Instant Soup is a consortium of music artists of our island that come together to exchange ideas and build a community that is targeting trust and collaborations. I'm very blessed to be covering this event today, and I'm here with Sir Styles, an international music artist, music producer, and dj, and we will be covering today the topic of mental health in the music industry. I'm doctor Stefan Ociano, I'm a psychophysiologist. I specialize on stress and anxiety in couples relationships. So join us on this amazing discussion that we'll have today with this amazing artist. Welcome.

Sir Styles [00:01:44]:
Thank you for having me. Welcome. How long

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:01:47]:
have you been, working in the music industry?

Sir Styles [00:01:51]:
How long? By myself, like, I started when I was 11, 12 years old. I got really into the industry, I guess, 15 years ago. When I, like, really started making music and, like, really putting myself out there, not just chasing a gig or a club to play.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:02:10]:
Alright. How did you because in psychology, something that usually comes up is that many people are afraid of public performance or public speaking or being in front of a crowd. Did you ever have any difficulty, or did you experience stress or anxiety performing in front of a crowd?

Sir Styles [00:02:33]:
Other than the the stress you get every time right before the, you know, the nervousness. Okay. No. I don't know if it's something I had naturally or because I started I I started dancing when I was 7 years old. So I I think I was already in a, like, performative type of environment from a very young age without realizing it back then, but it I think it helped Pave the way. Yeah. And, like, it's it's, strange that we start with this because one of the main things, people know me for is my performance of stage. Not just my my songs or the how I teach and stuff.

Sir Styles [00:03:13]:
It's general. I told you. Woah.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:03:16]:
Woah. I love that. I love that. Well, dance is, such an amazing form of expression. And, you know, there's a saying by some African shamans that says, if you're anxious or if you're depressed, they ask you when was the last time you danced? When was the last time you sang? When was the last time you've been in nature? So I suppose definitely just expressing what you have inside of you with some nice movements and performing for a crowd. That's amazing.

Sir Styles [00:03:45]:
It is. It's kind of a superpower. I I have this the the feeling I have is, like, when when you're a kid and you're alone in your room and you're blasting music or you we, like, watched MTV and we were dancing to the music videos or to the songs we liked and jumped on the bed and stuff. So that that's the feeling I still have when I'm in the booth playing music. It's like I'm by myself, and I'm having the time of my life, you know, listening to my favorite songs and all that. And it really it really helps having you like like it's like a unique performance because you are yourself and that's like that's important in life generally, obviously, but, like, when you're performing as well, when you're doing something when you're out there and you you wanna get a message out, you wanna be on people to see you for what you're doing. It's important that you have something that is your own. It's unique.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:04:35]:
Plus it helps you connect with yourself, right? Yeah. So that's, amazing. Now let's go a little bit deeper though in this topic because I understand that as, as, entertainers, as music producers, you're usually under a lot of stress. And you might find yourself sometimes becoming disembodied, like disconnected from your true nature as as humans because you work irrational hours, let's say, that are not aligned with the sleep and waking cycle of normal people. How do you cope with this huge fluctuation?

Sir Styles [00:05:19]:
The How do you cope? Most times, I'd still find difficulty. But, luckily, the last bit over a decade, a lot of new ideas and let's call them systems, have been discovered and implemented for people who have heavy schedules like that. So for example, I know of very big international artists who have their own time zone. So they've decided that these are this is the time zone they live in. So what time they go to sleep and what time they wake up. So no matter which country they're at, what which actual time zone they're at, for them, they are if they are, let's say, in an American time zone when they are in Europe, 2 PM is the time they go to sleep because that's the time they go to sleep. When they have to wake up at, after in, after 8 hours, they go to work. So if they're somewhere and at the time they're supposed to be sleeping, they have to DJ, then, oh, I I stayed up 2 hours past my bedtime.

Sir Styles [00:06:18]:
Nice. So I go back to sleep. And other things. Plus, thankfully, again, the last, 10, 20 years, a lot of nutritional Mhmm. Assistance has been found, like, with vitamin d and magnesium that helps with sleeping and Relaxation. Helping relaxation. Having your, like, your digestion and your whole system healthy. Plus, working out which is very important especially for touring artists.

Sir Styles [00:06:45]:
Because flying is a major issue on the body. It takes a lot of weight. And it doesn't matter whether someone flies for an hour or 20 hours. Most of the damage is done between takeoff and landing. The change of pressure. That's one of the reasons why cabin crews are not allowed to fly too often. And we known today of DJs that in the summer fly more than pilots and cabin crew. The the most heavy toll is on the on the, circulation system.

Sir Styles [00:07:16]:
So a lot of artists who travel heavily have cardio as a basic thing in their daily routine because it's important. There have been many stories, especially between the 2000 and, in the 2000 of artists or, like, people in their teams, 2 managers, photographers, light crew that had problems and had to stop because of the effects of lying on their body. And that's basically when all these issues started to, like, really get discovered and thankfully very quickly dealt with.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:07:50]:
This is really insightful what you're sharing with me right now and it takes me back to a conversation that I had with a neurosurgeon friend of mine that, was basically working all night. You're like your your schedule is like neurosurgeons at the end of the day. So he he would have some electrolytes after finishing the the surgery, and he wouldn't go to bed unless it was nighttime so that he wouldn't mess up his circadian rhythm. Yeah. And, this is beautiful what you're saying because maybe you didn't know that. Well, you didn't know, what you signed up for before you started this this work. And and it's amazing for the youngsters that are watching us on okay. I'm gonna be working, evening shift.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:08:40]:
So how am I gonna adjust my schedule to fit my mental health profile?

Sir Styles [00:08:47]:
Mental and and mentally and physically, routine and program. And I'm I'm telling you these things, and I've I've done the exact opposite and all the way around and up and down All all through my twenties and, like, the last the the years after until recently, I I also realized that, no, dude. Uh-uh. And and to be honest, I I enjoyed so much more now. Yeah. I enjoy work more Yeah. And I enjoy sleep more, which is it's something I didn't I didn't really think it was something I was supposed to enjoy. It was like something like, oh, I'm tired.

Sir Styles [00:09:26]:
I need to sleep. Or I need to reboot my brain for a bit. I've been in on the studio for too long. I need to, like, have an app restart and go at it again. No. It's like there is there is there is actual enjoyment in sleeping and sleeping like well. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:09:45]:
Like, athletes say that the most important thing when it comes to their performance is their sleep. It's not their nutrition or their work schedule. Sleep is, number 1, and we live in a society that most of us were sleep deprived. And this is possibly one of the major issues that we have when it comes to dementia, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, mental health issues. So it's like an additional stress because during that time, your your body reboots. It recycles all the negative hormones that you acquire throughout the day, and you detoxify. So I'm glad that you've kind of find found a solution in regards to this vital problem when it comes to performing, evening shifts. But in your opinion, what is something that maybe it's needing of attention in this time.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:10:47]:
And it's something that you haven't solved or you would like to solve as an ambassador of of music producers.

Sir Styles [00:10:55]:
I guess the number one thing would be some stigmas and taboos around the work. Okay. Like, being an entertainer, being a musician, or working nights on these things. And at the same time, some sticky bands and taboos about some serious, mental health issues that are stopping people from asking for help, which is doesn't just apply within the music industry or the or the electronic artists. It's everywhere for everyone. And

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:11:29]:
Was there a time I'm sorry for interrupting. Was there a time in your life that you seeked professional assistance?

Sir Styles [00:11:37]:
Yes. So COVID. Okay. Strange times. But, okay. I'm gonna go on a little tangent here. I had this very good friend, amazing kid. And during in the beginning of COVID, we lost him.

Sir Styles [00:12:02]:
And it Suicide? Yeah. And it got me thinking because I never had suicidal thoughts, but it started a philosophical conversation in my shed. And honestly, clearly, philosophically, I was starting to lose the conversation. Like the arguments were more in favor of than instead. So I spoke to a mental health professional I know personally. And I told them like, I'm like, I'm having this conversation in my head and this thing is happening. And like, I'm not gonna bullshit myself. Like it became a weird situation in my head.

Sir Styles [00:12:37]:
And they told me, like, yeah. Most people who have this conversation usually the winning side is the the the side for it. So I said, okay. Before I kinda, like, argue myself into harming myself, I should go see a doctor, a psychiatrist. And I did. And, I did also happen to know a few people, like I said, in the mental health department. So I started, like, looking at what they're doing because they're friends of mine. So I can't just I can't ask them what to do or kind of visit your things like that.

Sir Styles [00:13:16]:
Doesn't really work really well that way. But I was I was looking at their work. Mhmm. And I had this friend from Greece. He was the president of the positive, psychology organization in Greece. Tasos Talikas, a great guy. Unfortunately, we lost him to cancer literally 2 weeks ago. And so happened, my psychiatrist also was quite in favor of this way of treating mental health, which for me was helpful.

Sir Styles [00:13:47]:
Like, if I had to go the other way and, like, start digging into what's the problem and why do you feel like that? What makes you feel bad? What's the trauma? And then that could have actually like me be digging my own hole. When looking into the solutions So, like, what makes you feel better? What improves? What what lessens your your stress and what takes you out of a depressive mood? It it was what I needed. It was the key for me Mhmm. And helped me. So, it it gave me a lot of perspective on like, I didn't like, I had it in the back of my head, but I couldn't really say I that I had I was suffering from depression. But, apparently, I was. And now

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:14:32]:
I knew. I think everyone during COVID possibly was suffering with depression.

Sir Styles [00:14:36]:
Yeah. For me, it was way before COVID, but, like, it then it became, like, very apparent and and very intense, like, with the symptoms and everything. Very intense because you lose everything, and then you're 3 days in bed. You don't even get out of bed to, like, have a shower or, like, cook a meal and then you're, like, like, you used to think it's hangover and, like, oh, I had a very long weekend. I toured a couple of cities and, like, the flight's messing with me, but, you know. Is there

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:15:03]:
a fear that it might come back? It I don't think it ever leaves. Oh.

Sir Styles [00:15:09]:
I think it's I think it's always there, and you you you work every day. You cope. You you do the

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:15:14]:
best you can. Thank you for sharing that. This is a really strong message that you're giving to the world and through your words and many things will be shifting. Now it it it makes me wonder whether this positive psychology approach that you followed because we had an initial discussion of record Yeah. Before we started recording. Could this positive psychology and your own personal path make you made you more conscious in the way you're approaching composition when it comes to music? And is there a project that is a conscious project? Because what I mean, we hear many songs saying booty, bands and acondas and and all this objectification of women or the human body. And I find music as a way of allowing you to dig deeper within yourself, understand yourself, and also pass down to you many positive message because for me music is magic, is what moves the world and we need more of that.

Sir Styles [00:16:36]:
Music is expression. Some people are expressed a certain way and some other people are expressed a different way.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:16:42]:
We love the booty songs. Don't get me wrong.

Sir Styles [00:16:44]:
But Yeah. So and no matter what I like or don't like or agree or disagree, someone's gonna feel something and they're gonna put it on paper or in in music, and someone's gonna like it because it speaks to them. Mhmm. So, what what I agree and disagree with or anyone's person specifically, especially the people who are making music, I don't think is the point, because messages are everywhere and, of course, in music, but, also, everyone has a path. So I can tell you a lot of the things I don't listen to right now or I don't agree with right now. When I was 15 or 25, I had very different opinions Yes. About these songs than now. So maybe they're just part of the journey, and maybe they should be part of the journey.

Sir Styles [00:17:37]:
Yes. Like

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:17:38]:
Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Sir Styles [00:17:40]:
Like, Little Red Riding Hood. Like, she had to face she had to come in front of the wolf and be in danger of the wolf rather than always avoid it. She had to go through the hoods to be in danger and realize what's dangerous and what's not in order to find your path and find your strength and fight the wolf, save your family and everything.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:18:03]:
It's great what you said because what you said to me right now is each person has their path at a specific point in time and there is no judgment. Now there is discernment where you're in an older age, you're more wise, you understand better yourself, understand your path, you understand where you're going. Now are you producing something in this instant that is more conscious in the messages that you want to pass down to the world?

Sir Styles [00:18:35]:
I am because, so I started I can't really call it a campaign, but it it was it's I started an effort. Mhmm. When all these things hit me, the loss of my friend, and at the same time during COVID, we started seeing about a lot of artists, losing artists to self harm because of the shock of COVID in their day to day life. So when I saw that I can help myself, I can ask for help, basically, The immediate realization was that not everybody realizes that they can ask for help or not everyone is comfortable with it. It's usually the the first but the biggest obstacle. It's saying I can ask for help to yourself. So I started posting once a week and I still do for the last 3 years now, on my socials that things are not always great, I share some experiences from my life and I see but I I assure you, if you can talk to someone in your immediate circle or a professional or something, you can, you should. Don't be afraid of it.

Sir Styles [00:19:53]:
And I've been getting crazy positive feedback from people. Random people who don't know me message me and tell me, dude, you saw that. Like, how may I talk to you? And tell them, yeah, I'm not a I'm not a doctor. I'm not a mental health professional. But if you wanna just, like, vent and, like, talk about talk about things, yeah, talk to me. And I Amazing. I share nothing. And there are even people who just message me and tell me, you know, bro, listen, just seeing that message every week is enough, like, you know, I'm I'm up to here.

Sir Styles [00:20:23]:
And then I see the message, I'm like, okay. Like, it it helps ground them. It helps bring them back a bit. And that's that's great, and I'm gonna continue doing that, but I wanna do more. So right now, I'm I'm putting together an EP of 4 songs, that will have some of these messages in them.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:20:46]:
So happy.

Sir Styles [00:20:46]:
Positive messages. So happy.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:20:48]:
I cannot wait to hear.

Sir Styles [00:20:49]:
Yeah. And I'm working on a collaboration with this, nonprofit organization. This community here in Cyprus. It's called the Cyprus Samaritans who help in many departments, but one of their main focuses is suicide prevention and they have, they have an online and phone line between 4 and 4 in the afternoon and 12 at night every day, for people who want to call and I want to release the song with them as a partnership, whatever, net Process. Process are gonna go to the organization. Whatever small or big, let's do it. Beautiful. And, hopefully, people will look at the organization and see what's going on.

Sir Styles [00:21:39]:
Then the next step Mhmm. Is to have some conversations and some interviews like that next month, in October at Amsterdam Dance Event, which is a huge form for the for the dance music industry. So, I'm gonna be talking to some panels of, AD and some some radio stations from the United States and from the Netherlands and get some attention a bit outside of Cyprus as well. Cyprus is my home and I'm I wanna help all the guys here, not just the artist, everyone I can, but let's try to make it bigger because the music industry and the people who struggle in it are so many. Man, you are a man of great power.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:22:21]:
I'm I'm just gonna tell you that because you you had a choice. Either portraying a godlike figure, a person that performs in front of the world, entertains, power of positivity. No one would ever know what could have been going on inside of you. But yet, there you are every now and then posting something on social media saying, hey, guys. Being vulnerable. Being vulnerable. Being honest. Being honest.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:22:58]:
It takes, though, a lot of effort for people and a lot of courage to speak their truth, whether it's that good or bad, be vulnerable. And that's where people form connections and a community. And what I see you trying to create over here is a community for growing artists.

Sir Styles [00:23:21]:
Yeah. Exactly. I I don't expect everyone to to to call whatever organization health organization they have in their country and say, I wanna see a psychiatrist. But I I hope I would really love it if they knew they can call someone they they know that, oh, we were working on a track together but you know I have some issues at home and I can't talk to you about it. No. Like you can't talk to them about it. Or if if hopefully, you have good people around you in your family or your friends, is that you can't talk to them because from what I've realized and I've I've I've been studying as much as I can. Obviously, I'm at a very small level of knowledge, but what I've been realizing is that people are most afraid of being turned down by their own people, by their family, by their friends.

Sir Styles [00:24:16]:
Yes. Not being heard. Yes. And, you know, people and I do it a lot, and I know some people who do it a lot. We create expectations in our in our shed. And sometimes we can even create some scenarios. Like, I'm gonna say this. They're gonna say that.

Sir Styles [00:24:30]:
This is gonna say and they think if they talk to a friend and a friend just listens and doesn't, like, reply that that's a negative reaction which is not necessarily because if if someone listen all they all you need is someone to listen to you. They don't necessarily need to give you advice or or help you. Maybe you don't need help. Maybe you just need, sounding board. It is true. Yeah. It's it's great.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:25:02]:
When you verbalize the things that are inside of you, it's like you also come into a self realization, kind of constellates the problem and then you are able to find solutions and what most people do is that whenever someone opens up to us we are rushing to give advice. We don't listen.

Sir Styles [00:25:18]:
Exactly.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:25:19]:
And going back to your words, like, when we were 15, we were hearing those songs of, maybe not so appropriate content but yet here we are saying again trusting the path. Yeah that no matter where a person is in his life is his path of growth if they ask us for our opinion which doesn't necessarily mean that it is right it's good to express it in a way that it's not imposing our ideas on the other person.

Sir Styles [00:25:56]:
As an opinion, not a fact. Exactly. As an opinion. And then we we look, I'm gonna take everyone's side, and I'm gonna say that someone comes to you and they express something, and you're dying to help them. It's not like, no, I'm gonna show you how. No. No. You wanna help them.

Sir Styles [00:26:12]:
You it's your person. You wanna do something. You see them drowning, having a hard time and you'd be like, oh my god, I have to help. And then you rush into savior mode, like superhero syndrome, how they call it. And like, no, I'm I'm gonna tell you what to do and I'm gonna help you and like, which is something that, obviously, people don't know that it's not necessarily the right thing to do. Thank God there are conversations like this for women however many people, see it. But what what I'm trying to focus on and hopefully, I'll have time to focus on the people receiving this, like, this, the Christ for help. But I wanna focus on people who want to ask for help that they should not be afraid of it.

Sir Styles [00:27:00]:
And, like, if they if they can't if they have this type of relationship, they can't even say, you know what? Just like, hear me out for a minute and then it's okay. It's I've I've had people tell me, oh, I like I'm not con I'm not connecting with my friends anymore. We've been best friends for for 15 years, and I'm not connecting with them anymore. And because their lives changed and mine hasn't, and I I I feel like there's no, like, similarities anymore. So I feel kind of rejected. And my question was, so you tried to speak about your interests or you tried to say, you know, guys, your life's changed and mine has been a bit, like, stuck, let's say, for whatever reason. And they rejected you. And they told me, no.

Sir Styles [00:27:44]:
Si. I didn't say anything. Yeah. And and no. So I said talk to your friends, man. Come on. Build their connection. Yeah.

Sir Styles [00:27:51]:
Be be honest. Yeah. And trust that they love you, that they're your friends. I mean, 15 years 15 years. I'm sure they've noticed that their lives changed and like yours has differences. They're still your friends. So I I don't think there is rejection. They're on the contrary.

Sir Styles [00:28:04]:
I think there's more love.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:28:08]:
Now there there are many things right now coming into my mind, hearing you speak. On one point of view is our lack of trust. Our lack of trust because as children and our attachment styles, whenever we opened up in regards to our problems to our parents, they have never provided a safe space for us to express, to be heard for our emotions, for what goes on inside of our mind. Most of the times what we received was criticism. Their trauma being projected onto us and this has created either an avoidant attachment style where I would not open up in regards to my emotions because I will not receive safety and what I wanna receive or an anxious attachment style in which I'm oversharing my life to be loved. So there is usually this dichotomy when it comes to society. The second thing that I'm thinking, hearing you express the things that you express is that most of us as men or as women, we come with a baggage. First of all, hearing you speak, I'm thinking this man is very close to divine masculinity.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:29:23]:
He's honest. He's, vulnerable. He's, has a mission to help others, to uplift others. He's he's secure. Of course, we're all work in progress. Yeah. None of us is complete, but at least you're heading in the right particularly happy because what we're facing in modern day society in despite our connections with other men, because most of us, we might have not had a father that was present to give us emotional attention, to be present in general. We do not know how to approach other men.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:30:01]:
We need to as if we most of us we try and put this mask on especially when we're doing that when we're younger or portraying this model of masculine toxicity. Now on the other end we have women that are not trusting men because they have their own father wounds and we have also during this process, we growing up and figuring out who we are. And I was speaking about, heterosexuality here and and and I'm sorry, but they don't trust me. They don't say good morning. They don't know how to smile. They, you give them a compliment and they don't know how to receive it because they think that there are some hidden incentives behind it. And I'm not blaming women for that I'm blaming men. This is our mission, this is our responsibility.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:30:50]:
We have fucked up as a society completely. And this is something that we can only figure out by having these conversations, by realizing the problem because when women meet with women, when men meet with men we can learn and find solutions to many problems. And this is why conversation in community, what you're trying to build with your people, with your tribe, is so essential. And I'm very grateful for what you're doing. And you're an example not only to other people in your industry but also to mental health professionals, to CEOs of, executives of forex companies, and and to the rest of the world.

Sir Styles [00:31:49]:
That was that was a lot, and it's definitely more than I can chew. I really I really do hope and that parenting has improved. I I think it has to be. I think it has, thankfully.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:32:08]:
But it has also put a lot of pressure. Yeah. Because the system is not in place to support the parenting.

Sir Styles [00:32:15]:
The the the only way I can, like, surmise and and, like, reply to what you're telling me again, I can only speak for myself. The person you see in front of you now is not this person 10 years ago and 15 and 20 years ago. So a lot of the problematic characters you described, I was at one part part of my life and the other. Yes. I I got here. Same here. I wasn't I didn't manifest. I got here.

Sir Styles [00:32:46]:
So for us who have made the real the realizations, I think the best thing we can do is when we see that in front of us, not to judge you you said something about judgment earlier, and I wanna discernment. And I wanna tell you, judgment serves no one. Other than that, like, courts of law, serves no one. Not the person judging, not the person we judge. So when we see that, we can see, oh, so that's the part of your path you are at at the moment. And if you can help, like, offer any type of way to that person that will help them improve. And if they wanna accept it or if they ask for it or what whatnot. Because, otherwise, it's a slippery slope.

Sir Styles [00:33:43]:
Like, we we ourselves trying to help, trying to improve the situations, I think, will get, locked into fights that are not, very productive for the person who's trying to heal or for ourselves or for another person that we could help, and maybe we're losing time on on on someone who's not ready because maybe sometimes someone's not ready. Right? Because it's that part of their path. That's where they are at the moment in time. So it needs to be like, the improvement is coming. It's not there. I I think being hopeful is important because being hopeful is what keeps you in the struggle. Keep fighting, keep helping, keep trying to achieve things. If you lose hope in, like, oh, like, society is fucked up.

Sir Styles [00:34:31]:
It's always been.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:34:33]:
But I'm not to change. Yeah. So We we we by changing ourselves is like we create a chain reaction for other people to change. Yeah. And I see that you're a man that is doing the work, and I'm very happy for that because it is not a regular occurrence for me to to see in the presence of another man and think, shit. He's he's doing some work on himself. Wow. And it makes me feel less alone.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:35:00]:
Now if you feel comfortable, I would also like us to cover sex, drugs, and addictions. Oh. What goes on in your industry in regards to that, and how can you get lost in this game?

Sir Styles [00:35:19]:
So, obviously, like, alcohol is all around. The the events and the parties and, all these things. And, obviously, I mean, you don't even need to be in the industry. You need to watch, like, a movie or 2 to be, like to come in contact, like, get ideas about using drugs and stuff or that. How does that combine itself to, like, making music or generally being an artist? Mhmm. Imprinting feelings and thoughts, in any manner. But things are not these these are one of the, like, the stigma that Tabusa was talking about earlier. Things are not as bad as people think they are.

Sir Styles [00:36:03]:
Right. So, for example, the most of the international artists I know, and especially the the Dutch, they do not have a great relationship with alcohol. They the Netherlands raise people, with a mentality that someone who is a musician and works as a DJ and a doctor and a lawyer, they all have an equal value if they all offer equality to society. So first taboo, first stigma is of DJs, nightlife clubs, and, like, for Love. For the straight men or, like, you're surrounded by women, you know. Where in the Netherlands, it's very it's it's quite opposite. Like, I I know I know digits, and I've met their wives, and I've met their kids. And, like, when I first experienced that, I was shocked.

Sir Styles [00:37:00]:
Like, how so your husband is, like, travels. He's in Thailand and, like, in Miami and in in Africa. And, like, how do you deal with that? It was the same way I deal with it if he was in the office from 9 to 5, and in the weekend, you had to go to conference. Like like, for then it was shocking that I had to ask. But nevertheless, alcohol is there and drugs are there, and there is no one way or, like, positive way for people to start using them, and there's no one way or super positive guaranteed way for people to stop them. But they do have sorry. Not bad. And they do have huge, hugely negative effects on the body.

Sir Styles [00:37:51]:
And, again, I'm speaking from personal experience. Mhmm. Okay. Especially, alcohol because in most countries, you grow up hearing it's something that it's okay to do as long as you're 18. Everything else is bad. It's illegal. It's it's gonna kill you or whatever. Alcohol can do all those things.

Sir Styles [00:38:13]:
Oh, yeah. Yeah. But so there is a very different mentality to a person growing up, about alcohol. So when when for from day 1 to 18 to when you're 30, you're working. Alcohol is okay in the back of your head. Obviously, you are more relaxed with how you use it. But alcohol is also this is based on numbers from the World Health Organization. It's one of the top reasons, connected to suicide.

Sir Styles [00:38:40]:
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, the the rest of the illegal substance, recreational substances come down the ladder than alcohol. Alcohol is higher than that. And when you DJ, you when you start, someone gives you a drink, and, like, what's this? And you have your first drink, and then you relax a bit. And you're like, woah, magic juice. And then you have it for like 3, 4 hours and you had a few drinks and a couple of shots and like, you know, inhibitions have been relaxed and you're you're doing things in your set that you didn't do last week or in another set. And you're like, oh, that's a cool idea and stuff.

Sir Styles [00:39:23]:
And you start to inevitably again, speaking for myself. Make connections there, which are not necessarily there. So you think, oh, I had a few drinks, and I relaxed, and my ambitions fell and, like so, like, I'm I'm I'm more creative, and I'm doing things differently. I'm more relaxed. And sure you're more relaxed in the beginning, but that's not the reason why you had the ideas. It's not the reason why you you tried something new or whatever. But you make that connection, and then that connection becomes a very unhealthy thing because, like, oh, I'm gonna have some drinks and I'm gonna do some tricks. And it's not that.

Sir Styles [00:40:02]:
And so, that's the that's the reality of it. It's not that we wanna go to stage and, down the bottle of tequila and show off to the people and pour drinks in their mouth and, like, oh, I'm the man and all that stuff. It's it's something that it gets it it tricks itself and gets behind you and it's there. And you when you get there, you don't even know, like, how, when. So it's it's dangerous and so sweet. Like, it's so tempting. And it's a very hard thing to get away from. I can tell you stories about other substances which I haven't had any relationship with, so I can't really speak for myself, but they are very similar to the store the the story I've the stories I've experienced with alcohol.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:40:54]:
Alright. Thank you very much for sharing. Actually, this is very insightful. And, just from a therapist perspective. Dosage makes the poison most of the times. So if we were gonna have if if we had the discipline to try to experiment with what exists in nature with a form of measure, then that would be great. Alcohol was never present in the ancient times all year round. They used to consume it once a year, but we consume it throughout Yeah.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:41:36]:
The year. So we've lost the ancestral knowledge. We've lost the way of using, let's say, our drugs for our benefit. And this is another story potentially for another podcast.

Sir Styles [00:41:52]:
Yeah.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:41:55]:
And what about for for in my opinion, a lot of people might abuse substances to kind of escape the void of their own mind or their own trauma. They're trying to alter that in an unhealthy way. What about, attraction to like, sexual attraction? What goes on there? How do you see people behaving towards you? You're like a god up there. Right? You get a lot of attention.

Sir Styles [00:42:25]:
Center of attention. I'm not I'm not sure about the word god, but center of attention is Yeah.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:42:30]:
It's People get mesmerized. Right?

Sir Styles [00:42:32]:
Yeah. But it is as as fleeting as a breath. Like, I can't tell I can't tell you the times I've been on the stage playing, And let's say there is there is a girl eyeballing me. And I would say girl because I'm a straight guy. So I'm sure there might have been guys as well, but I wouldn't notice because, obviously, I was looking at the pretty girl. Then she was eyeballing me, like, for the whole hour. And I was like, okay. I finished my set.

Sir Styles [00:43:00]:
Someone else comes on. I get off stage, take off the sunglasses because the DJ has sunglass. I'm guessing it's part of the information that people don't know. I take off the sunglasses, wouldn't even look at me. You you you lose the the the godliness like that. Again, as a straight guy, when I'm DJing, there's a number of girls there, like, giving me so much attention. It does it does make some chemicals, like, overproduce, and I I do I do act differently. I act different.

Sir Styles [00:43:35]:
I have to say, I I never do a bad job. I never compromise my job because I don't have enough people in the room or it's mostly guys, whatever. That doesn't matter. Like, the good energy, the people who are there are dancing, whether they're 5 or 5,000, you you give everything every time. But, yeah, when, as a straight guy, when I see some girls there and they're like, they're giving me a lot of extra attention, it does it does make me, like, feel and act differently. But it's, Magic. It's it's a it's a fable. Like, you you leave the stage, it's gone.

Sir Styles [00:44:07]:
You don't exist anymore. And you realize that. I think that's healthy, though.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:44:11]:
Oh, it's full. Yeah. It's healthy because, in a way, your vaso pressing goes up. You receive a validation or a reward, so your dopamine goes up. But, also, what you give back in exchange is a better energy output. So it's a motivation. And I don't consider it necessarily bad gaining this form of attention, But the thing is that always the things that we need to ask ourselves, where does my ego stand? Whereas does how am I gonna abuse this power that I'm feeling right now? So you are a magician at the end of the day with music, you are a shaman but you need to help people kind of a way to heal. But during that process in which they are vulnerable, you shouldn't take advantage of

Sir Styles [00:45:05]:
them. Exactly. You're you're there for them. Exactly. Like, one thing I always say is, like, don't play music for people to fall in love with you. Play music for people to fall in love with each other. Uh-huh. Because they go out and they Nice.

Sir Styles [00:45:15]:
They meet and they talk and they kiss and, like, you know. Beautiful. So the thing that happens when, like, I I describe when you're off stage and then the the magic, like, disappears, I think it's great because it grounds you. Yeah. Because if you if you're if you're teaching in any way, you're having all that attention, all of you. And then you have the attention from whoever sexually you you you you like and they give you that. If you get off and that like continues, then it's gonna amplify and build up. And, yes, I think our egos are going to explode.

Sir Styles [00:45:47]:
Oh, yeah. And I don't think that that helps anyone because, again, there was a time in my life where my ego was, like, way up there. And I was I wasn't my best self. I wasn't treating people the way I should be treating them in normal circumstances, not just work or DJing, like, generally in my life. And when it all came crashing down because it it does inevitably, that was a that was that was a big fall. That hurt a lot. I hear you, brother. I hear you.

Sir Styles [00:46:23]:
Well, from the

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:46:24]:
bottom of my heart I would like to thank you for sharing this so valuable information and your insights and your wisdom about life with us. If you have enjoyed this episode please do not forget to subscribe to our youtube channel and also follow this amazing guy on his IG account and also follow his work. Thank you for listening.