A Single Mom’s Journey: Fear, Postpartum Recovery, and Joy with Simone | EP 28

As a Single Parent, Do You Face the Societal Pressure of Knowing How to "Do it All”?

In this special episode, host Hélène has an intimate conversation with her younger sister, Simone. She shares very personal details many moms experience but rarely talk about - from the chaos of sleepless nights, breastfeeding complications, the isolation of not having a parenting partner.

You can just hear in Simone's voice how challenging it's been trying to stay afloat as a single parent. Learn how she confronted the shadows of postpartum depression and the so-called “baby blues.”

Chapters:
06:44 - Cultural Challenges in Afterbirth and Postpartum Care
13:51 - Parenting Overwhelm
19:26 - Struggling with Negative Thoughts
23:48 - Challenges of Being a Single Mother
32:38 - Digital Interactions are So Isolating
49:09 - Painful Reality of Breastfeeding

Simone tells her story with so much courage and compassion. She's really reflective on the unrealistic pressures moms face in our society and how we're expected to instantly know how to "do it all".

You will walk away understanding the vital importance of self-care as a parent, healing from past wounds, building community when you feel alone.

Press play to let Simone’s resilience uplift and empower you to approach parenting in a more compassionate way.

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Chapters

• 6:44 Cultural Challenges in Afterbirth and Postpartum Care
• 13:51 Parenting Overwhelm
• 19:26 Struggling with Negative Thoughts
• 23:48 Challenges of Being a Single Mother
• 32:38 Digital Interactions are So Isolating
• 49:09 Painful Reality of Breastfeeding

Transcript

Hélène Ioannides [00:00:00]:
Welcome to Health Pod, your self development hub.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:00:02]:
On mental health, psychology, and spirituality.

Simone [00:00:05]:
I thought I would have a very natural birth, well that was my aim, but my labor ended up taking about 30 hours plus. So by that point, physically, I wasn't able to have that that power to push, that power to bring that baby into this world. I remember being in the hospital and being quite scared, scared of everything. It was this fear that made me freeze somehow. I couldn't even think at that point what the fear was. It was just so much anxiety that over overtook, over overcame me. There was all this confusion around me. It wasn't just post mortem depression and let's try and get through this, you know, baby blues.

Simone [00:00:35]:
My whole life had just gone.

Hélène Ioannides [00:00:47]:
Welcome back to another episode here on Health Pod. I'm Helene. I'm an empowerment and embodiment coach. And today, we have my sister Simone on the show with us. We're gonna be talking about motherhood, but not motherhood as you know it, motherhood as a single parent, what going through divorce really feels like, and how the healing process and the struggles that come up along the way impact and could impact your life. Let's tune into the episode. Welcome to Health Spot, Simone. Thank you.

Hélène Ioannides [00:01:18]:
I'm so happy that you're here. First of all, you are my sister.

Simone [00:01:25]:
I'm aware. Thanks for clarifying. Yes. I'm just letting everyone know

Hélène Ioannides [00:01:31]:
that you're my sister, and I felt that it was important for you to come on the show because we've had so many conversations around motherhood, around our birth experiences, about your experience as a single parent raising a beautiful baby, Anessa. And, yeah, I just think it's really important to highlight so many aspects of what you've been through because so many people go through similar things, and therefore, you are here today. And, yeah, let's start with the basics. Who is Simone?

Simone [00:02:12]:
This is a difficult question. I feel there's so many layers to not just mothers, but women, people, that it's hard to define sometimes. Who are we really? And, I think that's the journey of life as well, trying to figure out who we really are, away from all the titles as well, away from mother, especially that. Because once you become a mother, you tend to lose yourself. And there's a lot around finding yourself whereas I don't think there's ever finding the person that you used to be, at least in my case, there isn't, I've, I've come out of that. I've sort of like, I was going to say died, but yeah, it's a new person altogether. You know, there's no going back. There's reestablishing who I am as a mom, as an individual, as a single parent.

Simone [00:03:00]:
And, and, yeah, there's so many aspects to it, so there's not really one answer. Yeah. Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:03:07]:
So you kind of touched upon death right there. Yeah. Okay. And for everyone who doesn't know your story, would you like to start by sharing? We're just gonna go straight into

Simone [00:03:19]:
it here. Let's go. Okay. So, I think I'm gonna start with the birth of my daughter. Okay. So, after having Anasa, even the birth itself was not at all how I expected. Mhmm. I thought it would be very empowering, very to some extent, it was, but so much power was also taken from me during that.

Simone [00:03:45]:
Okay. Sure. Powerless as well. I thought I would have a very natural birth, or that was my aim. I think you remember us talking as well how I wanted to do it very, natural and, go with the flow of to some extent. But my labor ended up taking about 30 hours plus. So by that point, physically, I wasn't able to have that that power to push, that power to bring that baby into this world. Mhmm.

Simone [00:04:09]:
So in that sense, I guess it was a big life lesson as well to sort of let go as well. And, the aim was to have a healthy baby and to to come out of it well as well, physically. And then soon after I remember being in the hospital and being quite scared, scared of everything.

Hélène Ioannides [00:04:26]:
Scared of everything for hygiene purposes? Scared of everything because of what was going to come?

Simone [00:04:32]:
Scared of life.

Hélène Ioannides [00:04:33]:
Uh-huh. Yeah. How you would handle having a baby perhaps

Simone [00:04:37]:
as well? I couldn't even think at that point what the fear was. It was just so much anxiety that over overtook, over overcame me. It became became the new Simone at the time, which wasn't really me as, you know, I usually was more chilled, more unless if I was stressed. Yes. But in that case, it became like it was this fear that made me freeze somehow.

Hélène Ioannides [00:04:57]:
Freeze. Yes.

Simone [00:04:58]:
Freeze. Yeah. And I feel I didn't have the right the right support system.

Hélène Ioannides [00:05:02]:
Okay.

Simone [00:05:03]:
Not so much in the hospital. Obviously, the nurses were all nice and whatnot, but support system, I mean, your people, you know, like your family, your friends, your your partner. I think that to me was a big thing that I stayed in the hospital for a week even though I could leave, because I was scared to go home to be by myself, to be alone with the baby, knowing that my now ex husband or soon to be was overworking, wasn't home, was not available for me or for the the baby at the time. And because we had just moved to a new country, it's not like we had a a support system. Like, we didn't know our neighbors. I didn't have a friend to quickly call up and say, hey. I need you. Could you quickly come over? There was none of that.

Hélène Ioannides [00:05:41]:
That. Our mom's in Cyprus.

Simone [00:05:43]:
Our mom's in Cyprus. I was abroad.

Hélène Ioannides [00:05:45]:
I'm in Saudi

Simone [00:05:46]:
at the time. Time. Exactly. But at the time, I thought I could handle it, and I thought that I should be able to. Mhmm. And the fact that I was having a hard time, I was being very difficult on myself and say, why am I not able to handle this? What's wrong with me?

Hélène Ioannides [00:05:58]:
What were you not able to handle?

Simone [00:06:00]:
Well, I was handling it because I was doing everything by myself, but because it was so overwhelming Mhmm. Having to look after a baby. I wasn't able to eat, wasn't able to sleep because I was scared.

Hélène Ioannides [00:06:09]:
This is post post birth Yes.

Simone [00:06:11]:
After the baby. Home with the baby. Yes.

Hélène Ioannides [00:06:13]:
You said you stayed a week in the hospital. Yes.

Simone [00:06:15]:
When was that? When I had the baby.

Hélène Ioannides [00:06:17]:
So once you had the next delivering, you you felt like you couldn't go home because you didn't have your partner Right. The support system there to feel like Yeah. Okay. I can lean on someone.

Simone [00:06:27]:
Exactly.

Hélène Ioannides [00:06:28]:
So it was much more comfortable for you to stay in the hospital where you felt like you did have the support and the help with all of these nurses and women who had experience

Simone [00:06:37]:
with babies. Mhmm. On the other hand, I think it would have been better if I had just ripped it off like a plaster and gone home to start figuring it figuring it out.

Hélène Ioannides [00:06:43]:
Mhmm. Okay.

Simone [00:06:44]:
Because staying there felt like the 1st week, I think, also defines what's to come. So if I don't know. But in Cyprus, I think they help you with the baby. Right? In Germany, from the moment you have the baby, they'd never take the baby from you. They don't, like, look after the baby for you to recover either. Mhmm. So I remember, like, you know, having this big belly and having a baby on me and and bleeding and having no control over my own body, no time to heal, and having to look after this little baby that I don't know what I'm doing with. You know? I remember even picking her up and thinking, why have they left me alone with this baby? You know it's your baby, but it doesn't mean you know what you're doing.

Simone [00:07:20]:
You know? You got completely clueless, and you're just like, wow. Okay. You know? This is You're

Hélène Ioannides [00:07:25]:
taking me back.

Simone [00:07:26]:
A big deal. Yes. I know. I know. And, today, it was 2 years ago exactly, that this birth took place. Whereas I feel like it's been a lifetime ago, the past 2 years, And just, it's such a journey. Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:07:46]:
So you go home?

Simone [00:07:48]:
I go home. Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:07:49]:
And you are alone with this baby that you don't know what to do with because it's a whole new a whole new life, a whole new experience, a whole new way of handling whatever's in front of you. And you felt like you didn't have the support in place, who could you have reached out to? Or is this something that you would perhaps have done better with regards to who could have supported you or what you have needed?

Simone [00:08:25]:
In all honesty, I think everything happened as it should have Mhmm. In order for me to just see that I can stand on my own 2 feet and that I don't really, I mean, we all need people in our lives. Yes, of course. But for that to happen, there was a reason. So I wouldn't I don't I don't, regret it. I wouldn't necessarily change it because it's brought me to where I am today. And it was a difficult decision. If I did wanna have that support, I would need to come to Cyprus, which means I would have to leave my then husband in Germany, have the baby by myself, which is not how I imagined entering family life

Hélène Ioannides [00:08:57]:
Mhmm.

Simone [00:08:58]:
To come to Cyprus where my family and support system live, you know, at the time.

Hélène Ioannides [00:09:02]:
So what is family life to you?

Simone [00:09:05]:
Togetherness. Spending time together, supporting one another. Okay. Making memories together. You know, you have a newborn. You you don't think you have a baby to just be you and the baby, mommy and baby the whole time.

Hélène Ioannides [00:09:16]:
Mhmm. Which is what your experience was.

Simone [00:09:18]:
Exactly. And

Hélène Ioannides [00:09:19]:
So your vision was you, your husband, and the baby, and

Simone [00:09:25]:
That's who I had a baby with. Correct. I didn't do it by myself. If I hadn't said, okay, I'm ready to be a mom by myself, I went in that route, I would say, okay. I've chosen this, but, you know, you do it with a partner. Just that word partner, you think that you're gonna parent as partners as well. Mhmm. And, yeah, I I don't know if it's because I had a very traditional partner, like, husband at the time.

Simone [00:09:45]:
But, he was very under the impression that it's a mom's job, especially at this age. That has nothing to do with it, which was also very difficult for me to to digest, to understand. Because even if it is a mom's job, even if the baby does need mommy more, because of breastfeeding, because of the smell, because of all of that, mom needs someone too. Mhmm. And that's where it became very difficult for me. So it wasn't necessarily mothering my baby or looking after her. It was I couldn't look after myself because I was given out so much, and

Hélène Ioannides [00:10:14]:
there was no one there to look after me.

Simone [00:10:16]:
You know, even to make a hot meal, like, the basics. I'm not saying to be there all the time. So that's why it was it was tough. Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:10:25]:
And do you think I know you mentioned that your ex was traditional. Yeah. He wasn't really traditional, but he was with this aspect. Like, is this something that you spoke about clearly before having a baby?

Simone [00:10:38]:
Yeah. The thing is, it was traditional in this in some senses. I know what you mean that he wasn't in others. But, you know, he was the one who was working. I was the one who was at home for the majority of our our 10 years together. You know, but I allowed that I let him go forward. We traveled to different destinations with this idea that, you know, you earn more, let me just follow you around. Which in hindsight, if I was to do that again, I wouldn't do that.

Simone [00:11:05]:
I would, you know, stand my ground and look after myself as well, pre baby.

Hélène Ioannides [00:11:12]:
And when you say look after yourself, you mean you would probably work?

Simone [00:11:15]:
Yeah. Go after my career. Go after my goals. Go after my dreams. But at the time when I was doing what I was doing, I was happy doing that. If I had known what was coming though, and that I would just be left hanging to some extent, you know, becoming a mom, having to figure out my life, going back into the work, field and all that. You know, if I had already had my life set up, becoming a mom maybe would have been smoother because I would know I have a maternity leave of so long, and I'm going back to that life, to that routine. Mhmm.

Hélène Ioannides [00:11:41]:
And even

Simone [00:11:41]:
So you

Hélène Ioannides [00:11:41]:
would have had more structure perhaps on how you would have the timeline of how things

Simone [00:11:45]:
would have started now. The marriage was to crumble as it did, I would still have other foundations in my life, which I didn't.

Hélène Ioannides [00:11:51]:
Yeah. But your foundation was only That relationship.

Simone [00:11:54]:
And then becoming a mom. And then that was gone, and then it was who's Simone? Where's Simone? And becoming a mom as well at the same time, we're just like, oh, wow. There is no Simone anymore, you know? And, but your question was, did we talk about this beforehand? We did talk quite a lot, but we didn't necessarily say, right, you're gonna be at work, so you're never gonna be present, You know? And I'm gonna be at at home, so I'm just gonna do everything by myself and suffer. You know? That wasn't the clear message. You know, I didn't sign up to that. Yeah. And I've heard this from a lot of people like perhaps you guys didn't speak enough beforehand. Yeah.

Simone [00:12:37]:
But you know when you're with someone for 10 years of your life, you seem to think that you are on the same wavelength. Mhmm. And that when you will have a family or a child that you obviously do that because you love each other. You know, and just the love that's there, there will be support and like there has been for the past decade. Right? But I was faced with the complete opposite. Like, and when we say this person was not present, it wasn't just because he was physically working. He was mentally not present.

Hélène Ioannides [00:13:03]:
Today's episode is sponsored by Empowered New You, where we hold women's circles, ice bath and breathwork events, and retreats across the world. You can find more information on www.docterstephanos.com and in the description below. You'll be able to book your events with us as well as subscribe to our email newsletter where you'll be able to find more upcoming events. We hope to see you there. So, yeah, run me through a day.

Simone [00:13:34]:
I would be up all night, every 2 hours for milk, basically. I'd be up day and night, not just all night. I remember just feeling very touched out. I had this little baby on me all the time. The ex would wake up at 5 in the morning and leave.

Hélène Ioannides [00:13:50]:
That was before you woke up?

Simone [00:13:51]:
We'd be asleep if we weren't awake at the time, depending on if Vanessa was hungry or not. And, so I'd go through my whole day trying to survive, basically. And days felt like they will join up because there was no, like, right now we sleep, you know, for the night and then we wake up. So the days felt like weeks, weeks felt like months, and this kept going on. I remember small things like holding the baby and trying to run a a little bit of water in the sink, but then something else coming up, like the phone ringing or the food being on. So I would leave, and then the sink would be overflowing. And then I would come back to the bathroom to see it flooded, home alone now, by holding a baby that's crying, and you're trying to figure out all these things, and your brain is just going, oh my god. What's going on here? Like, I can't handle all this.

Simone [00:14:34]:
You know, it's just too much stimulation, things to do, And you feel like you're not on top of your game in any way, right? So you feel like a failure as well. Or I felt like failure at the time, you know, But, yeah, back to the what the day looked like, the ex would leave at 5. I would handle the day with the baby throughout. There'd be a lot of emotions as well. Obviously, that was my hormones. It was post mortem depression. I wasn't getting out the house. I'd go maybe for a little walk in the park.

Simone [00:15:00]:
Even that was scary to me, like holding the baby down the stairs, having to set up the pram by myself with one hand, seeing strangers, like, everything became too much. The world became too much.

Hélène Ioannides [00:15:11]:
Yeah. You sound like you were emotionally overloaded. Definitely. Yeah. And you mentioned postpartum depression

Simone [00:15:17]:
Mhmm.

Hélène Ioannides [00:15:17]:
In that, which I wanna touch upon. You've been through it. I've been through it. Mhmm. And your process of going through it, how would you describe it? How was your mental health like? What were you feeling? What were you thinking?

Simone [00:15:35]:
It was dark, really dark. Something I don't wish upon anyone. What I was feeling was, as I explained, you know, my brain was all over the place. I wasn't getting any sleep. I was barely eating, which doesn't help the, you know, the your mental state at the time. You know, I think at a time like that, you really need to nurture yourself, eat the right foods, look after your body, you know, be a healthy mom as well, you know, mentally, physically, everything, rest. Exactly. All these things I wasn't getting.

Simone [00:16:07]:
So the hardest part of all this was that, okay, we were sort of aware that postmortem depression would come up. It's quite natural. But the fact that I didn't have time to look after myself made it even worse. And it kept going and it kept going. And then the fights would start with the ex, and then separation came up. I came to Cyprus, so there was all this confusion around there. So it wasn't just postmortem depression and let's try and get through this, you know, baby blues. My whole life had just gone yeah.

Simone [00:16:38]:
Like, everything was chaotic. Everything. Life as I knew it was gone.

Hélène Ioannides [00:16:43]:
Yeah. Okay. So we are in an apartment somewhere in Germany where you your ex leaves at 5. Right. Okay. And what time does he come home?

Simone [00:16:54]:
11 or 12.

Hélène Ioannides [00:16:55]:
At night. If he comes. So you're already asleep?

Simone [00:16:57]:
If we're asleep.

Hélène Ioannides [00:16:58]:
So you are basically abandoned Completely. Completely with a child in a foreign country with no support system. And, I mean, that that in itself is hard to digest. Was his behavior always like that?

Simone [00:17:13]:
He was always a workaholic. Okay. His work was always priority. Mhmm. Absolutely. But I remember when I would need him and call him, he would be there. Okay. At least on the telephone or he'd show up.

Simone [00:17:26]:
He'd come by. Like, work wasn't far from home, so it was possible. When you had the baby? The complete opposite. So he would he would not unavailable. He wouldn't even pick up his phone at times. He wouldn't even pick up his phone, and I would be that would add even more to my anxiety because I would start getting worried about him as well. Is he okay? What's going on? You know? My little daughter just came. Yeah.

Simone [00:17:54]:
So, yeah, it was it was a lot. And honestly, now it's as well a big blur. So, I've worked through a lot of these things that have come up. I'm still working on them. That's something that I think I'm always gonna, not have, but I think it makes you who you are, and that's quite beautiful as well. But let's go back. Back to what? Back to the dark spot. Okay.

Hélène Ioannides [00:18:16]:
Okay. Because I've been through it, and there are so many people that are going through it.

Simone [00:18:22]:
Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:18:22]:
And to just kind of brush over it and not bring enough, context to it, I feel like it could be very beneficial for people to, first of all, understand the story because we've kind of jumped jump scenes. So we're in this flat where you're abandoned. You're with a child. You don't know what to do with a child. Your ex at the time was not helping you or supporting you, and there was something in you that made you make the decision to leave Germany and come to Cyprus

Simone [00:19:02]:
Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:19:03]:
For more support. Mhmm. And what

Simone [00:19:07]:
I remember calling this something a a dark shadow. A dark shadow. Sort of like it was a weight as well. It was Is it everywhere

Hélène Ioannides [00:19:16]:
in your body? It was in your head?

Simone [00:19:17]:
It was around me. It was everywhere. It was it was on me. A dark force. And I remember thinking I was losing my own mind. Like

Hélène Ioannides [00:19:26]:
Okay.

Simone [00:19:26]:
I was on I was on very thin ice that I literally thought I was gonna lose my mind. I probably did lose my mind and find it again as well. I had a lot of intrusive thoughts a lot about myself, about my baby. Not willingly, they would just flood you, you know, like, you know, I'd be bathing the baby and thinking, oh my god, I'm gonna kill her. And this I think came from fear as well because I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know how to hold it, whatever head was to go under. And by the way, all these fears are still with me 2 years down the line. Not bathing time, but you see me when we come to the swimming pool, I'm a bit like this, you know, and that's because of certain things that I've gone through that still don't allow me to live life in its fullest today, 2 years later.

Simone [00:20:10]:
So post mortem depression stays with with at least it stayed with me. And there's days where they're great, and, we're having time of our life, my daughter and I. And there's days where it's just it's dark again. You know? And, but I honor that now, and I know that it's just that it will also pass.

Hélène Ioannides [00:20:30]:
And is that because it feels overwhelming as a single parent now?

Simone [00:20:35]:
I don't know if I can answer that because I don't know what it would be like with a partner

Hélène Ioannides [00:20:38]:
Okay.

Simone [00:20:38]:
To compare it. You know what I mean? I can only imagine. But, yeah, for sure, as a single parent, you have to self regulate so much. Mhmm. Your your own emotions. You know, if there's 2 of you and you get angry in that moment, you can be like, listen. I need 5 minutes. I don't get to do that.

Simone [00:20:52]:
I need to be sort of talking to myself, be like, right. Okay. Let's, you know, figure this out or take a deep breath or, you know, have a silent scream quickly and then get back to it. So there's a lot of that going on. And, I also found that isolating and being just my child and I made it easy at some points too. So not having my parents there, my sister, your children, like like, it was just less less noise, less, other things to focus on. I could just focus on Anasa, you know, and myself and my emotions at times. You know, sometimes that feels easier.

Simone [00:21:27]:
Even with friends, I remember at the beginning when I first came to Cyprus, I didn't wanna see anyone. I didn't didn't feel like going out and having fun. That wasn't a part of my vocabulary anymore. It was like I I remember trying to go out. It was my birthday, for example, and we went to meditate, and I had done that out of I should be doing something because it's my birthday and not because out of pure joy, you know? So with time, that pure joy is coming back, and that's beautiful.

Hélène Ioannides [00:21:54]:
So you came back to Cyprus, and obviously, at that point, you had made the decision that you wouldn't be together with your ex. It wasn't that straightforward.

Simone [00:22:05]:
It took about a year of back and forth of him coming to Cyprus, me going to Germany. Traveling with a baby was also still very difficult. Mhmm. Not just then, but now too.

Hélène Ioannides [00:22:17]:
How were you feeling at the time?

Simone [00:22:19]:
Of the back and forth?

Hélène Ioannides [00:22:22]:
Yeah. Like, where were you out?

Simone [00:22:25]:
Well, I had still not figured out, what I wanted. So it wasn't about us figuring us out as as parents or as partners. I also didn't know if I wanted that that partnership anymore in my life after what I had experienced. I didn't know that I wanted this person by my side. Even if it meant it would perhaps be easier having a parent, another parent. Although at times, I find it easier that there isn't another parent there that, you know, it's it's 1 on 1. There's less dynamics to deal with. You know? And how did I feel at the time? I mean, I was very confused.

Simone [00:22:59]:
Part of me wanted to make everything have this happy, beautiful family. Mhmm. A part of me didn't wanna go back to Germany because I knew what life was like there. And going back would mean consenting to that lifestyle of, yes, you're gonna be alone and yes, you have to do it all by yourself. And being here, I did I do have parents, but you, family, friends, you know, there's such a different lifestyle even here, you

Hélène Ioannides [00:23:22]:
know, you

Simone [00:23:23]:
know, I can get an ass out, get in the car, So that year was just a lot of confusion, and no clarity at all. No clarity was coming to the surface. So I think it came to the point where there was a lot of fighting as well still throughout.

Hélène Ioannides [00:23:48]:
Mhmm.

Simone [00:23:48]:
So it was easier when we weren't together, when we had the countries between us. But I was becoming more confident as a mom as well, so that was a little bit less of a weight. And I started to enjoy some moments too. So it wasn't all just stress and and depression. You know? There was some happy moments, But it came to a point where we had to just make the hard decision of this isn't working out, and let's just face reality. I think trying to make things work would have been harder for my daughter as well, to see that there was this imbalance at home of hot and cold, which is something I didn't want for her at all.

Hélène Ioannides [00:24:25]:
Mhmm. Of watching you to argue or disagree or

Simone [00:24:30]:
be non existent. Also, I didn't one of the big reasons that I wanted I didn't want that lifestyle is because I didn't want my daughter to think that was normal. That, you're at home with mommy and daddy doesn't exist. Even though he's in your life. He lives in the same house, but you never see him. That to me would show her that she's not important because this is how I felt as a wife at the time, that I wasn't important. So imagine what it would make a little girl girl growing up feel like, Like, she's irrelevant. Like, she doesn't matter.

Simone [00:24:58]:
Or daddy comes and goes as he pleases. I didn't want that for her.

Hélène Ioannides [00:25:02]:
So it sounds like you almost had to make a decision for your daughter.

Simone [00:25:07]:
Yes. But in doing that, it was the best thing I could do for me.

Hélène Ioannides [00:25:10]:
So how would you say motherhood has changed you?

Simone [00:25:14]:
In every aspect. It's made me stronger, wiser, and a lot more compassionate to myself as well. And understanding to people in general, like, we're all going through something. Whereas before I had a child, I don't think I had that perception on life. Sure. I had my up and down, my up days down days. But, I think now seeing what I think even the people who don't have children, you know, they they they probably have the struggle of, oh, I'd love to have that. And the ones who do have children, see the people who are free spirits and think, you know, I'd love to have that.

Simone [00:25:52]:
So Everyone's got their own Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:25:54]:
Shit to deal with. Yeah. But we all live so much we live in our head so much. Mhmm. And in our own things that we don't realize that, yeah, there's there's a lot more going on.

Simone [00:26:05]:
Yeah. But it's not to dismiss our emotions either. Sure. There's a lot more going on, but, you know, this is your reality. This is your world, and this is happening right now in your face for some reason.

Hélène Ioannides [00:26:15]:
Thank you so much for watching this episode. If you'd like to dive deeper into your own personal development and tap into your most authentic self, you can book a 1 on 1 session with me. You'll be able to find the details in the description here below. I look forward to chatting with you. And with regards to raising a child alone, what have been the most difficult part so far in your 2 years of doing that?

Simone [00:26:40]:
Again, I'm gonna go back to the most difficult part being not having someone to put, like, at the end of the day, put my head on their shoulder. You know what I mean? And go you know, that's difficult part as long as parenting goes, as a single parent. Again, I'm gonna go back to I don't know what it's like differently. So I don't find it as difficult. It's my life now, and what has helped me get through it is being present. So when I get overwhelmed as a single parent is when I'm trying to do other things and not being present with my daughter. Okay. Like, being on the phone, booking a viewing, doing this, doing that, trying to organize, I don't know, anything.

Simone [00:27:17]:
That's when I see that she gets as well less focused and and, so, yeah, the difficult part is what I'm trying to do more than just parent. Yeah. So being present, being being with her, you know, sitting on the floor, doing a puzzle together, eating together, all these things has helped have helped me get through this thing called single parenting. And, of course, it's difficult mentally as well. It's always difficult, because you wake up and you're on the go. And until bedtime, you're on the go. There's no just can I have 5 minutes, you know? How does that compare to your lifestyle before? Well, my lifestyle before, I could wake up when I wanted. I could do yoga when I wanted.

Simone [00:27:58]:
I could meditate when I wanted. I could eat when I wanted. Now there's a schedule. It's like an army. You know? You're like, right. Baby's hungry, or it's nap time, or it's this, or it's that. And even, like, when the baby goes to bed, they say, you know, you should sleep. I don't like that.

Simone [00:28:11]:
You know? I wanna sleep when I feel like I've I've rested and I'm ready to sleep. Whereas now, it's like your life revolves around another's life, and you really can't change that. You know? So finding the beauty in the little things and in the present moment, and as I said, just being with, being together is the the key that I found works for me as a single parent. And the love the love, all that love that that exists there. And now that she's older as well, and she's showing that love back and that she can talk and it's so sweet and so cute. You're just like, this is everything. You know? And I see that people as well, when you're out with a child, they're so much more open to to you and to the child, and that's quite beautiful. But on the other hand, it's also quite sad that as adults, we're not like that with each other naturally.

Simone [00:28:59]:
Yes. Yeah. There

Hélène Ioannides [00:29:01]:
needs to be a reason. A dog, a child Exactly. To be able to

Simone [00:29:05]:
Yeah. Smile. Just smile at each other anyway without there being a why she's smiling at me? You know? Or what's going on here? You know?

Hélène Ioannides [00:29:12]:
Do I know her?

Simone [00:29:13]:
Yeah, exactly. So she's smiling.

Hélène Ioannides [00:29:18]:
Yeah. And for anyone going through postpartum depression,

Simone [00:29:25]:
what tips would you give them? Okay. Seek help. Mhmm. Not just from family and friends. Professional help. There's nothing wrong with that. It's probably the best thing you can do for yourself. Carve out time for yourself if and when you can.

Simone [00:29:39]:
And do what feels right always. If it's, I don't know, skipping making lunch because you're overwhelmed and you're gonna give your child a snack, then do that. If it helps you mentally, then do that. Your child will be fine, you know. Don't guilt yourself into she hasn't had the right lunch or she hasn't slept enough. All this pressure that, you know, I've seen myself put on myself.

Hélène Ioannides [00:30:01]:
Mhmm.

Simone [00:30:03]:
I think best to just let it go and watch them grow and see the beauty in that. No matter what you do and how hard you try, they're gonna grow up. And all you can do is love them. Love them the most you can and keep doing it. Even if you think like, I feel quite good. I'm healed. Keep doing it. Just have someone to, like, empty your brain, you know? Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:30:27]:
I call it people people pay, Stefano and I, to come and puke their brains out to you.

Simone [00:30:35]:
The right brain dump.

Hélène Ioannides [00:30:36]:
Yes. Exactly. Yeah.

Simone [00:30:37]:
Yeah. But, honestly, after every session that I do have with different therapists that I've seen, I feel relieved. It's like going to the gym. You don't wanna go. You say, to struggle, you know, you have to, like, dig deep and, open that can can of worms that you don't wanna look into.

Hélène Ioannides [00:30:54]:
Yeah.

Simone [00:30:54]:
It's easier not to do that. Once you've done that, there's kind of this this relief, this, not always. Sometimes you feel like, why have I just done

Hélène Ioannides [00:31:03]:
that? I have

Simone [00:31:03]:
to deal with this until next week. But I think that's part of growth as well. And if you don't do that, then how will you progress? How will you become a better person, a better parent, which is what I'm striving for. And,

Hélène Ioannides [00:31:17]:
and you also you've attended a lot of our events as well. Yeah. And doing the ice baths and the breath work in the women's circles.

Simone [00:31:24]:
I remember telling you that you've started to do all this at the perfect timing for my life as well. Like, you know, know, if I wasn't living here, that would wouldn't even be a part of all this, but it's come at the perfect time somehow. Like and, you know, you're right next door and Yeah. It's it's so available and it's so present in my life.

Hélène Ioannides [00:31:38]:
And you're so willing. You're so willing and open to be able to to

Simone [00:31:42]:
be Yes. Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:31:44]:
To work on your own self development, to be aware of where your boundaries are and to push through them, to push through that fear and that discomfort. Although, you, you know, you are living under a lot of stress and circumstances that maybe you wished were different. However, you're still putting yourself into uncomfortable situations like the ice. Yeah. You know, to either meet new people or to experience that discomfort Yeah. And come out stronger. So you are, yeah, you are doing the work, not just with a therapist, but with any opportunity that you get to attend workshops and, self development courses.

Simone [00:32:24]:
Even putting myself, as you said, not only in the eyes, but in uncomfortable situations like meeting someone for the first time. Mhmm. Something scary.

Hélène Ioannides [00:32:32]:
You don't have a meeting. How is dating after 10 years of being off the market?

Simone [00:32:38]:
It's a different market, first of all. You come back to this online digital thing where you're like you know, back in the day, you'd go out for a drink and you'd smile at someone, they'd smile at you, and then you'd have a chat. Right? You would see the person in front of you. Now it's a photo on your phone. We're behind these screens. I think it's quite scary. Not about who you're gonna meet, but that we've come to this as a society that we're so disconnected. And the fact that you meet someone on the phone first makes it so difficult to say, okay, let's meet in person, for me, at least in my experience, because as I said, you don't even know who you're meeting, right? On the other hand, the scary part is also meeting them and liking them, rather than the opposite.

Simone [00:33:18]:
If you don't like them, it's okay, you move on. If you meet someone and you like them, you're like, okay, this is real. This is this is gonna turn into something. And that for me right now where I'm at is scary because, you know, I've sort of found the balance in my life as a single mom. Yes. And I don't want I can't I don't think I

Hélène Ioannides [00:33:35]:
can handle more. I don't know. Dynamics.

Simone [00:33:38]:
Yeah. Dynamics or stress or chaos. Obviously, whatever I find now has to bring me peace, you know, has to add to that peace that I'm, you know, trying on my everyday life. And if it's not that then it's just not in alignment with me.

Hélène Ioannides [00:33:53]:
So has has your previous experience changed and clarified what you're actually looking for in your life? Because you said now you want peace. I remember Yeah. As someone that was travelling around the world from country to country that was, you know, willing to explore and try new things and even ignore us for a long time and not see us for a whole year.

Simone [00:34:18]:
I didn't even notice I was doing that. I was just living my life. What was the question?

Hélène Ioannides [00:34:25]:
How has your experience changed the way that you Yeah,

Simone [00:34:29]:
I think even the fact that I'm a mom has changed what I'm looking for, you know,

Hélène Ioannides [00:34:35]:
So how have you changed as a person?

Simone [00:34:39]:
How haven't I changed? I mean, to have

Hélène Ioannides [00:34:42]:
Who is the new Samoan?

Simone [00:34:43]:
We couldn't even answer the first question. I'm gonna skip that question.

Hélène Ioannides [00:34:53]:
Well, I see a confident, beautiful, strong woman in front of me that has balls to be able to deal with situations with so much courage and trust. You have to have a lot of trust that things are just churning out in your favor. Yeah. And that everything's always working out for you no matter how hard the situation is. That's what I see in you when I see you. And to to know that it's not about looking. This is what you're teaching me, looking at the whole picture, but perhaps just taking it every day, step at a time.

Simone [00:35:41]:
The little moments in between.

Hélène Ioannides [00:35:43]:
Yeah. Yeah. And that's

Simone [00:35:44]:
what Because when I do start thinking, like, okay, what will happen if I do make this decision?

Hélène Ioannides [00:35:50]:
Sorry. My boobs come out.

Simone [00:35:51]:
Oh, no. Can we bloop that out? Flow it. Yeah. Yeah. When I start to overthink things, it's not mentally, for me, it's not helpful. So that's another tip I would give to anyone going through this. Don't overthink things. Just go with the flow.

Simone [00:36:06]:
You know, you can't because no matter what you plan or think or decide, your life has its path already. I'm not I'm a big believer of that. And I'm not saying don't do anything, just go with it. But I am saying that, you know, I didn't plan to get divorced. Right? I didn't plan to be a single parent. And yet I'm here and I'm dealing with it. You know, if someone had told me, you're gonna have a baby and you're gonna get divorced, if I had known that before Would you have had the baby? Not only. There'd be so much anxiety about it, about even all of this coming up.

Simone [00:36:37]:
So even now in this present moment, thinking of an example, as a parent now, and as his dad is still not present

Hélène Ioannides [00:36:47]:
Mhmm.

Simone [00:36:47]:
As it was back then. Mhmm. And I tried for really long to try and, like, encourage him to be a dad like this or be a dad like that. And I I was there was so much of me going out in order to try and help him be this parent that I hoped he could be for our daughter. Where I came to a point where I went, no, I'm not doing this anymore. Because I was doing exactly what I was doing in their relationship after as well. Mhmm.

Hélène Ioannides [00:37:13]:
Mhmm.

Simone [00:37:14]:
In a certain sense, trying to control something that I can't. Yeah. You know, it's not up to me what kind of daddy he's gonna be, and it's not up to me what kind of relationship they're gonna have between them. Mhmm. It's up to them. I think I felt guilty about it, so I wanted to try and patch it up as much as possible. I've come to terms with the fact that it's also my daughter's journey. Yes.

Simone [00:37:34]:
All of this.

Hélène Ioannides [00:37:34]:
Yes. You

Simone [00:37:35]:
know? Yes. Yes. Yes. And, she made this contract way before she came here. Exactly. As we were So did I. And that makes it all a little bit easier because I'm like, if I've chosen this on a spiritual level before coming, then I must have known. There's something bigger in this, you know.

Simone [00:37:52]:
Mhmm. And I know there's a lot of good coming. I know that, Which is why I think I'm quite calm, and I'm not in a rush to find the next partner, to be in a relationship, to have a new dad, call it what you want. There's no rush today. It's just this is it now, and it's great right now. Yeah. Yeah. I love you so much.

Simone [00:38:14]:
Yes. I said that Greek.

Hélène Ioannides [00:38:18]:
Yeah. I think I've always felt so much responsibility for you. You said this the other day. It's like, I don't feel like I've got

Simone [00:38:26]:
a sister, but I've got another mother. I used

Hélène Ioannides [00:38:28]:
to say that ever since we were kids, which is funny because I view you as my child in some aspects. So even, like, watching you grow and and change and and learn from your experiences and become this much more confident and empowered woman. And me being able to say I'm learning from you by watching you through your process is is humbling because, yeah, of course, as an older sister, as being the older one in any situation as we've traditionally thought, you know, you think you know Yeah. Everything.

Simone [00:39:07]:
I think age is a number, and it's what you go through. Like, you talk to someone who's, okay then.

Hélène Ioannides [00:39:14]:
Yeah. Just pull it up a little bit.

Simone [00:39:15]:
The light went down.

Hélène Ioannides [00:39:16]:
Yeah. It has gone down. It likes your boobs, so it's going, hey.

Simone [00:39:18]:
Hey. Hey.

Hélène Ioannides [00:39:19]:
The boobies.

Simone [00:39:19]:
Who doesn't? So Even my child likes them right now. It's not really about the age. It's about what you've been through in life. You know, you can be 20, and I had a really, like lots of life lessons and had to go out there by yourself and whatnot. And you can be 20 and have been very cocooned and haven't lived life, and you don't know how to do anything for yourself. So I think if you compare those to 20 years, one will be much wiser, much stronger than the one who's not even left home yet, just to say matter of fact.

Hélène Ioannides [00:39:49]:
Would you say you you were cocooned?

Simone [00:39:52]:
No. I was gone for 10 years. I lived my own life. Before leaving, yes. Before leaving, yes. But I left at 17 from home. So I left quite young. And, I came back home at 31.

Hélène Ioannides [00:40:07]:
Oh, you mean after an ASSA? After you had an ASSA?

Simone [00:40:10]:
Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I came back so I left home to study at 17, and I never came back until the age of 31. So I wouldn't call that cocooning. I would call that being a

Hélène Ioannides [00:40:18]:
But you were very, very looked after by your ex as well. Yeah. Because that's what

Simone [00:40:22]:
I looked for in life.

Hélène Ioannides [00:40:24]:
Yeah. You

Simone [00:40:24]:
know, that's what I and I still look for that. I know that I'm provided for. Don't know how, but I always am.

Hélène Ioannides [00:40:30]:
You trust.

Simone [00:40:30]:
Yes. And you are. You always get You know, and that's, not a good thing, not a bad thing, but it is what it is. And it's nice to to ease into that and to be like, yes, I deserve that. And yes, I have that. You know, there's enough things to stress about, you know.

Hélène Ioannides [00:40:46]:
Would you change anything about your life?

Simone [00:40:48]:
No. No. Nothing. Nothing. And I've always said that I'd rather regret doing something than never having done it or tried it or or experienced it. So, no. Not at all. Yeah.

Simone [00:40:59]:
And I look forward to so much to come, you know, like, when when Anas is older, and we could start travelling again together, seeing the world. Yes. Yes. So there's so much to look forward to. I don't feel like this is the end of anything.

Hélène Ioannides [00:41:11]:
No. God. Yeah.

Simone [00:41:11]:
Quite the opposite. You know? So it was the end of a life that I had with someone.

Hélène Ioannides [00:41:17]:
But, Who had to die in order for you to become who you are?

Simone [00:41:22]:
Yeah. It's a bit like a phoenix, isn't it? So it's not a it's not a sad death. It's, it's it's, destruction of certain things, things that you think are you. You know, like, this is your life. You're a wife. You're gonna be a mom. So all these, like, roles and names, which is why I find You're

Hélène Ioannides [00:41:49]:
gonna live in Germany?

Simone [00:41:50]:
Right. You know, this is it. This is how it's gonna be. But But when you start taking a brick out from, you know, like Jenga, from the middle and not from on top, you know, you start to feel this this instability, which is not a bad thing. Mhmm. Because you come out of this box, which is not even your box. You've just been put in it from all the years of personally, like, living abroad, being quite, may I say, cold cultures or colder cultures than our Mediterranean mentality. You know, I was in Switzerland.

Simone [00:42:17]:
I was in Germany. Places where it's quite you know, you go by the rules, you go by the books. It's very organized, very clean, which I love that that time of my life.

Hélène Ioannides [00:42:26]:
I was gonna say, you were you were very much like that. Even your style was, like,

Simone [00:42:29]:
more Yes.

Hélène Ioannides [00:42:30]:
Represented by that. It's like Yeah. You were

Simone [00:42:33]:
that person. Big part of me. Like, I I do thrive on being organized, on knowing I have things in place. But then being a mom pulls you out of that as well. It tells you forget what you knew as as tidy or as normal or as, you know, any OCD that you have goes out the window because it's like, that can't stay in the same place. You know? You're gonna find it in 10 different places in the same hour. So, yeah. So it's it's a sort of destruction of who I thought I was, but who I thought I was for others.

Simone [00:43:07]:
That's where I went wrong in the past 10 years. For others, for my parents, for my sister, for my partner, for my husband at the time, for his family. You know, it was like even having a tattoo on the German side of the family, and I don't have many tattoos. It's like, that's, you know, that's my kind of tattoo. It was like, why do you have a tattoo? This this question is coming from adults. Yeah? Not from kids. From adults. You know? So to think that I married into that and knowing that, you know, what a mom is like, you know, the complete opposite extreme, you know, like, you know, that's the full of tattoos.

Simone [00:43:43]:
Exactly. It was quite interesting, you know, to to have gone in that direction. So yeah, who am I really? A bit of everything. And that's the beauty in it. I can't put one word on it, you know. There's days where I think I wanna get a full, arm tattoo. Why? Yeah. And there's other days where I'm like, no.

Simone [00:44:04]:
I really don't want that. Yeah. So I'm still figuring it all out from tattoos to to deep life lessons. You know? Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:44:12]:
Is there any question you have for me on our topics?

Simone [00:44:17]:
Yeah. Well, you have 2.

Hélène Ioannides [00:44:20]:
I have 2.

Simone [00:44:20]:
You have 2 little munchkins. Yeah. Well, what how how is it different when you had 1 and then when you had 2?

Hélène Ioannides [00:44:35]:
You give less shits on the second.

Simone [00:44:38]:
Thanks. I am the second. Yeah. I know. I know. Yeah. You just you go with the flow. You you just, yeah, you go with the flow.

Simone [00:44:45]:
You have

Hélène Ioannides [00:44:45]:
to learn how to go with the flow because when the first one comes along, you think you're gonna have everything structured and organized and how you want it, and then that goes out the window. I mean, I completely lost myself. I went through depression.

Simone [00:44:58]:
Yeah. Although you would think that having your sicken would be easier because you sort of know what it's like. You've been through birth. You've been a mom already, so you're not gonna, like, fall flat on your face. Although I hear it's different. It's different.

Hélène Ioannides [00:45:10]:
It's a completely different experience. The pregnancy is completely different. The character that comes out of that baby is completely different. How their needs are met is completely different. What what they need, how you speak to them. And I think the most difficult part with having 2 is that you also have the element of the first one had exclusive time with you. Now the second one comes along, and they want exclusive time with you, but you have a first. So how do you manage that without posing a rivalry between them or making one feel less loved than the other? And trying to manage that time along with managing everything else that

Simone [00:45:52]:
Your life, your work.

Hélène Ioannides [00:45:53]:
My own life, my own needs. But what I would say about motherhood, one of the things that it has helped me become is more selfish.

Simone [00:46:06]:
Yes. Same here. Same here.

Hélène Ioannides [00:46:09]:
Simply because I went through a process at the beginning where I was trying to be or fit into what was expected of me as a mother.

Simone [00:46:18]:
And now you sometimes just can't do that. Right? It's like

Hélène Ioannides [00:46:21]:
I don't do that. No. I really don't. I I do what I need to do for me to feel best first. Of course, always having them as it's it's weird. You have them as your number one priority, but you also have yourself. Actually, I would say I would have I have myself as my number one priority, and they come second, but at the same time, they're equally as important.

Simone [00:46:45]:
And you're teaching them the right way. Exactly. Prioritize themselves

Hélène Ioannides [00:46:48]:
as they grow up

Simone [00:46:49]:
in in friendships, in relationships, and everything. So it's it's I was gonna say it's the right thing, but in all honesty, there's no right and wrong. Everyone does what's best for them and their family.

Hélène Ioannides [00:46:58]:
And that's another really important element of motherhood that everyone needs to figure out what works for them Exactly. For their child, for their partner, for their family unit. Yeah. There's so many there are so many tips out there of how to do it on how to raise a child. It doesn't work for everyone. There isn't a one formula fits all. You really have to figure out who you are, and when you know who you are and what the needs of your family are, then you can

Simone [00:47:24]:
Figure out the dynamic for you, how it works Play the roles

Hélène Ioannides [00:47:27]:
in a way that most are most beneficial for yourself and your family, your family. And fuck what the world has to say about it or how you're raising your children. And that's, you know, that's the best best advice I could give on that. We didn't talk about breastfeeding.

Simone [00:47:47]:
I didn't want to. Let's do it.

Hélène Ioannides [00:47:49]:
I fucking hated it.

Simone [00:47:50]:
Hate it.

Hélène Ioannides [00:47:52]:
I felt so disconnected to my boobs and my the whole process of it. Like, I feeling quite disgusted. With the concept of

Simone [00:48:02]:
With the actual act of it. Not the idea of it. Did you feel If beforehand, I would've would've thought I'd be the best breastfeeding mom. I'd be flipping my boob out, putting the baby on it. I would cringe when when Anaso would need to eat.

Hélène Ioannides [00:48:13]:
I physically felt like I was gonna throw up every time she was on my boob. I I Yeah. My body had a reaction to it. Yes. And so that's when my second, I hardly breastfed, and I just decided that I need to do it.

Simone [00:48:25]:
Now you said that I remember every, like, suction, I would feel it. It's, like, pulling up everything. Yeah. Because It's so unusual.

Hélène Ioannides [00:48:31]:
It contracts it contracts the wound. It helps it go back to place. So It

Simone [00:48:35]:
wasn't a nice feeling at all. I guess it was a nice bonding to some extent. Like, I remember the first few times that I did breastfeed. I like the idea that I was giving such goodness to my daughter, and that it was also very natural. Mhmm. You know, it wasn't a bottle. It wasn't plastic. It wasn't formula.

Simone [00:48:51]:
On the other hand, what I wish every mom knows, it's okay to give a bottle. It's okay to give formula because there was a stigma for me. I felt so much guilt. I remember going to the hospital in in where I had given birth. And by the way, breastfeeding wasn't good for me mentally either. Wasn't helping me at all. Yes. It made it worse and worse.

Simone [00:49:09]:
I remember 2 months in, 2 months in to breastfeeding and being a new mom, going with Anasa to the clinic and saying, I need help. I need to stop. And they went, why? What's wrong with the baby? Mhmm. Is she not eating right? And honestly, she wasn't, she was eating so quickly. She was eating so much. She would just vomit everything out. So it felt like everything I was doing, having this baby stuck to my booth for so many hours all day, all night was for nothing in there because she was still hungry. She couldn't sleep because she was, and it was this vicious cycle.

Simone [00:49:37]:
Like there wasn't enough to deal with. Right. And the day I had to make her bottle for the first time, again, I was so scared to do it. How do I do it? What do I put in it? Is it clean enough? Like, they they scare the shit out of you about hygiene, about this, about that. And honestly, she'll be fine.

Hélène Ioannides [00:49:54]:
She will.

Simone [00:49:55]:
It'll be fine. You know? And, yeah, and I remember, you know, going to say, I need help to stop breastfeeding. How do I do it? I didn't you couldn't just cut, you know, do it cold turkey. It had to be a process, otherwise your boobs would explode or I don't know what. And, I also knew that there was something you could take to stop the meal. The clinic had actually told me that's not gonna be good for you mentally either to stop it just like that. You have to do it gradually. You're gonna get even even deeper into your head if you do that.

Hélène Ioannides [00:50:24]:
Yeah. So was there support for you mentally there or not?

Simone [00:50:27]:
Not at all.

Hélène Ioannides [00:50:28]:
No. It was all about the baby, it sounds like.

Simone [00:50:31]:
Yes. And that's hard too because everyone needs to realize that it's formation for both. It's not just the baby who's come into this world. This person has changed into something that she doesn't even know. And if you ask me, it's probably harder for the mom because she was someone already for the last 30 years, or whenever you had your baby, and then suddenly, you're not that person anymore. And you're just like, oh, wow, what's going on? You know, whereas baby is being loved is being held is being nurtured. You know, there's all

Hélène Ioannides [00:50:58]:
that,

Simone [00:50:58]:
that tenderness around it. And then, as an adult, you just need to keep going, you know, and that's why it's

Hélène Ioannides [00:51:04]:
tough.

Simone [00:51:05]:
You know?

Hélène Ioannides [00:51:06]:
So how did you stop breastfeeding

Simone [00:51:07]:
with it,

Hélène Ioannides [00:51:08]:
if it was gradual?

Simone [00:51:09]:
I used to do it, like, one breastfeeding, 1 bottle. Oh. And then I would squeeze a bit, but it stopped quite quickly. But, similar to you, I had a lot of milk, so my boobs were like,

Hélène Ioannides [00:51:19]:
I had mastitis.

Simone [00:51:20]:
And it was hurt and yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:51:22]:
I couldn't have a shower from how much pain I

Simone [00:51:24]:
was not breastfeed either because it was so painful. I had to breastfeed. So, again, it was this vicious cycle of Did

Hélène Ioannides [00:51:29]:
you have to wrap him?

Simone [00:51:30]:
No. I didn't.

Hélène Ioannides [00:51:31]:
So I actually took the pill.

Simone [00:51:33]:
Did you?

Hélène Ioannides [00:51:34]:
Yeah. And I every time I would have a shower, just the water touching, my boobs would hurt, my nipples were cracked, and just, like, so painful. Like, even thinking about it now, I just I feel, yeah.

Simone [00:51:49]:
What was the worst bit for me was going out and feeling that your boobs were wet. It was horrendous.

Hélène Ioannides [00:51:54]:
Oh, coming out the shower. So you can't understand that. Drip. So you're just like, I just had a shower, and I stink of milk again. Yeah. Anyway, so I took the pill, and I had to wrap. Yeah. My boobs really, really tight.

Simone [00:52:04]:
Was that hurting?

Hélène Ioannides [00:52:05]:
That was

Simone [00:52:06]:
torture. Rapping. I remember just because I did it gradually. I guess I didn't need to wrap or or contain it.

Hélène Ioannides [00:52:14]:
Yeah. These are things that amongst our friends and within society, there isn't enough honesty and transparency around the topic. I get some women absolutely love it. Yeah. But I'm sure If

Simone [00:52:30]:
it works out well and baby's eating right and your boobs are doing well and you're not you've got these massive boobs. Yeah. But by the way, everyone struggles. They've either got too little milk, too much milk.

Hélène Ioannides [00:52:40]:
But no not enough people talk about it. That's the point.

Simone [00:52:42]:
Type of milk or exactly. No. They don't. And,

Hélène Ioannides [00:52:45]:
it's hard.

Simone [00:52:46]:
And there needs to be support. Have you breastfed for? I remember when she was little. And I went, it's a bit of a personal question, you know. Yeah. Know, maybe I didn't breastfeed at all. You know? Mhmm. It shouldn't matter. You do you.

Hélène Ioannides [00:52:57]:
Sounds like a comparison question. It's like, how many months did you do? Right. Like, can I can I meet that as well?

Simone [00:53:03]:
Older people. I'm talking about, like, more granny style people, aunties, you know, where it's like, you should know better being at your age, you know, like

Hélène Ioannides [00:53:11]:
Because they find it is really important. They find that it's important.

Simone [00:53:14]:
And then it makes you feel bad as a mom that you didn't manage Mhmm. Or that you chose not to do it. A lot it's different if you don't have enough milk. The choice is sort of made for you. You know, because that question comes up too, like You

Hélène Ioannides [00:53:24]:
don't feel guilty.

Simone [00:53:25]:
Did you not have enough milk, or did your milk stop at some point? It's like, no. I chose to do this. And I'm happy with my choice. Back off.

Hélène Ioannides [00:53:34]:
Yes. Exactly. Yeah. I remember that when I first reached out to a nursery to take her, There was so much anxiety around where am I gonna leave her? How do I know these people? She's been with me so all this time. Like, where is she gonna go? I mean, it was a really good school. It was just the perception of allowing someone else to have any input onto your child. Did you go through that at all?

Simone [00:54:05]:
100%. So my daughter went quite well, early. Actually, that's another tip I would give single parents. Find help. Find a really good school early on who take, like, 8 month old, 9 month old. My daughter went around 8 to 9 months, and that really helped me, because that gave me time to breathe, gave me time to think, gave me time to shower, let alone think, you know. It gave me time to do the I remember taking her for an hour to going home to shower and going to pick her out. That's all I could be away from her, an hour or 2 where I was paying for a full day.

Simone [00:54:39]:
And, you remember that. Right? And you'd be telling me, like, you know, you have me. Let I get comfortable, and I'd be like, no. I'm not comfortable. I was not okay with it at all. I sort of feel like the decision was forced on me as well. Not by others, forced on me by myself. Because

Hélène Ioannides [00:54:55]:
To take it to daycare? Yes. Because of your situation? Yes.

Simone [00:54:58]:
Okay. Because I didn't have someone else to hold the baby for 10 minutes for me to shower. So that was my my my way of doing that by by signing up to daycare. Like, it feels up to me. She would probably start it now at the age of 2, and not before she was 1. I always had that in mind, by the way. So you see a lot of these things that you think, oh, this is how I imagine life, or this is how I wanna do things. Life will just knock you down sometimes and say, no.

Simone [00:55:22]:
This is how it's gonna happen. So plan all you want, think all you want, overthink all you want, but, you know, there's certain things already in place. But, yeah, there was a lot of separation anxiety. As you said, it was it is she's still in this school, and it's an amazing school. I feel them a little bit as co parents, if I'm honest, because we exchange a lot of ideas as well when it comes to Anasa. You know, she spends half her day there and the rest of the day with me, and she loves it there. And the fact that she went so early is actually amazing now because she feels at home there, and I'm so comfortable with her being there. There's none of this anymore, the stigma of where where am I leaving my daughter.

Simone [00:55:58]:
It's not leaving. I've given her this this beautiful environment to play in, to be with other children. She's made friends already, and she's 2. You know?

Hélène Ioannides [00:56:06]:
To even have have people that are experts in what they do looking after children

Simone [00:56:10]:
as well. They have

Hélène Ioannides [00:56:13]:
had so much more experience.

Simone [00:56:14]:
Yeah. Exactly. Know, they we exchange ideas in that sense. They'll tell me that

Hélène Ioannides [00:56:17]:
There's so many more kids than us.

Simone [00:56:18]:
Exactly. Oh, I've seen this in NASA. This is how we could handle it. And I go, oh, great. I I wouldn't have even picked up on that.

Hélène Ioannides [00:56:23]:
You know?

Simone [00:56:23]:
And this helps you along the way because I've never done this before. So how would I know that this is something to look into or, you know, or this could be done in this way? So, so it's it's actually a blessing. Yeah. Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:56:38]:
I took Celeste quite early on

Simone [00:56:40]:
as well to school, and I remember that that Do you feel guilty?

Hélène Ioannides [00:56:44]:
Yeah. I was gonna ask you about mom guilt.

Simone [00:56:46]:
Yeah. A lot of mom guilt.

Hélène Ioannides [00:56:47]:
You know, that is something that we carry from generations and generations before us. It's like it's in our DNA.

Simone [00:56:55]:
And maybe because back in the day, they didn't have this whole daycare thing. You know, moms would be at home with their children until the age of school. Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:57:02]:
But they would have communities as well.

Simone [00:57:04]:
That's true.

Hélène Ioannides [00:57:04]:
So It takes a village. It takes a village to raise.

Simone [00:57:07]:
And it's true. You'd have, like, the the yayada, the grandma, the even even everyone, the aunties, you know, they would be living together. It was different back then. You know, you don't you'd have the houses in the village next to each other. So people would take turns with the baby, raising the baby. And it wasn't like it's a mom's job, and let's help the mom out sometimes. No. I think it was quite the opposite back then.

Simone [00:57:28]:
It was

Hélène Ioannides [00:57:28]:
more like kids are involved in all parts of the family Exactly. In there. Yeah.

Simone [00:57:33]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:57:34]:
But it does teach kids confidence early on. Yeah. Social skills.

Simone [00:57:39]:
Being away from mommy and

Hélène Ioannides [00:57:40]:
school. Yeah. Teaching yeah. They they are gonna go through separation anxiety at some point. Whether it's now when they go to university or when they go to their new school. So, personally, I feel like sending them early on is a really good a good tip that worked for me, worked for you. And I know there's a lot of people that are thinking, they think about it, you know, to to let go of their children, but that's where you can create pockets of time to be able to be with yourself and make yourself a little bit more of a priority.

Simone [00:58:17]:
Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:58:18]:
To be able to think, breathe, shower, as you said. So on that note, I think we have covered everything. I'm so happy that you've been here and that you've shared your own experience and Thanks for having me. Your tough journey Yeah. But inspiring.

Simone [00:58:39]:
Yeah. And beautiful. And beautiful. Exactly.

Hélène Ioannides [00:58:43]:
I love you.

Simone [00:58:43]:
I love you too. Thanks for all the support. I love you.

Hélène Ioannides [00:58:53]:
Thank you so much for watching this episode. It's been an absolute pleasure filming it for you guys. If you like the work that we are putting out into the world, please make sure you like this video and you subscribe to our channel. It really helps the work that we do.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:59:07]:
And if you would like to follow our journey on our IG accounts, as well as learn more about our services, we provide everything for you in the description below. Thanks for watching.