The Secret to Navigating Trust Issues in Modern Relationships | EP 8

Have you ever struggled with trust in your relationship?

In this episode, Hélène and Dr. Stephanos Ioannou take you on a deeply personal journey through their own perspective on relationships and how their outlook has evolved over time.

They dive into the dynamics of their own relationship, navigating challenges around flirtatious behavior.  With great vulnerability, Dr. Stephanos confronts the shadow lover archetype, shedding light on the pitfalls of seeking validation from external sources. 

Dr. Stephanos, a renowned psychophysiologist specializing in stress, anxiety, and communication issues between couples.

So, if you find yourself craving insightful perspectives on relationships, trust, and personal growth, stay tuned for this enlightening conversation with Hélène and Dr. Stephanos Ioannou. 

Together, we'll embark on a journey of self-discovery and unlock the secrets to building authentic and fulfilling connections. 

Let's jump right in!

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Transcript

Welcome to Health Pod, your self development hub

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:00:02]:

on mental health, psychology, and spirituality. As soon as I saw you, I knew that you were my wife. You were gonna be the 1.

Hélène Ioannides [00:00:10]:

I knew what I wanted. I knew how I want how I wanted to be treated. I knew what levels of respect I deserved.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:00:18]:

I've fallen into the the trap of the shadow lover.

Hélène Ioannides [00:00:22]:

It was so rocky. And then a lot of the times you say that I keep poking you

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:00:26]:

Oh, she's jealous. She's a crazy bitch.

Hélène Ioannides [00:00:29]:

I was crazy.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:00:30]:

Yeah. You were crazy.

Hélène Ioannides [00:00:32]:

And that's where most relationships do go wrong.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:00:34]:

I see a person that is actually trying to be the best version of themselves in a variety of different domains.

Hélène Ioannides [00:00:41]:

And I do that because I expect the highest level of integrity and commitment from myself to myself and in our relationship. And and I need to step up as well. Welcome back to another health Pod episode. Today, we're talking about relationship I'm here with my hubby, Stefanos, and I'm Helene, an embodiment, and empowerment coach.

 We're gonna talk about what has kept us together for 14 years, covering all the juicy aspects of how we triggered the shit out of each other, when we first met and how that actually has been our foundation in building really good communication between us until today. So stay tuned, and what's the episode?

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:01:41]:

Are you recording now? Are

Hélène Ioannides [00:01:42]:

we recording now?

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:01:43]:

Are you recording? Yeah? Yeah. Are you there? Are we there? Yeah. We are. Okay. So we've been together for 14 years, and we're here to speak about relationship and what has made our relationship

Hélène Ioannides [00:02:03]:

and we have 2 kids as you can -- And

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:02:05]:

We have 2 kids. And, surely, relationship is not something that, when it's good enough, you just stop. You need to work on it on a daily basis. But this is some personal information that we would like to share with you on our own personal journey and how it has brought a relationship to the level that it is today. Clean, welcome to this podcast.

Hélène Ioannides [00:02:26]:

Thank you. Thank you for having me. It's such a pleasure to be here. Looking at our relationship, we've been together 14 years. Holly has a really long time. Would you have been in it? Would you have been in it knowing that you would have been in for so long, like, as a concept?

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:02:42]:

Yes. Yes. Because as we've discussed on, one of our initial episodes, as soon as I saw you, I knew that you were the woman of my dreams. You were my wife. I knew that  you were gonna be the one Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:02:58]:

So it stuck with me further.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:02:59]:

You did not feel the same way, understandable. Maybe because you just came out of a fresh relationship, but we're not here to speak about that. We're here to speak, though, about what has made me shift and be completely 100% only for you. The first obstacle that I personally had to overcome

Hélène Ioannides [00:03:29]:

-- Mhmm. --

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:03:30]:

it was my trust issues.

Hélène Ioannides [00:03:33]:

Okay.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:03:34]:

Because being a single man and having multiple relationships, I had a lot of difficulty trusting women. I'm not saying that it was their fault. It was my behavior, though, towards them. From one point of view. 

I think that's something that goes through went through my mind and maybe in every month's mind is that if a woman is easy, let's say if a woman sleeps with you on the 1st date, then because of your insecurities, because of your personal trauma, because of your trust issues, you immediately put a tag on her. Like, if she's that easy with me, then she's possibly gonna be that easy with everyone else.

Hélène Ioannides [00:04:32]:

Mhmm.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:04:33]:

Now this is something that did not happen in our relationship.

Hélène Ioannides [00:04:37]:

Yeah. I'm not easy thinking.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:04:39]:

Yes. You're not easy. And you've set certain boundaries for me. That were very clear.

Hélène Ioannides [00:04:46]:

Yeah.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:04:47]:

And those boundaries had to do everything with self respect. You're respecting yourself and you wanted to be treated in a specific way.

Hélène Ioannides [00:04:57]:

Mhmm. I knew what I wanted. I knew I want how I wanted to be treated. I knew what levels of respect I deserved. And if I wasn't gonna get that from you or whoever else it was, then there was no way that I would even be in a relationship like that. Let alone have a friendship like that. 

I believe that our connection started off really rough because of this missed trust that we had between us, which is actually our super strength in our relationship today because it was so rocky. So therefore, we had to put in so much work, which we were both willing to do in order to get us to the level that we are at today. 

And again, when I say levels, I don't mean, like, higher or lower, but there's a deeper sense of connection, trust, communication. And all of that comes with knowing who you are in yourself individually. Ends who we are together.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:06:04]:

Yeah. Yeah. What was I doing that was triggering you at the beginning? Because we've we went through kind of a rough patch of a lot of anger. I'm gonna get back to you oh, she's getting back at me.

Hélène Ioannides [00:06:22]:

We were very vindictive at the beginning. So when I met you, you you were a player. Okay. So with that attitude, obviously, came my own insecurity of can I trust this person? Can I be myself around them? Can I Can I give you my heart? How will you handle that? And so with that, whenever I would feel that you would say you were into me, but then you would also show interest in other women.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:07:00]:

How would I do that?

Hélène Ioannides [00:07:01]:

By flirting. You you you still are really flirty as a person, but it's something that I worked on with being comfortable with myself. It's for nothing to do with you, but I know who I am, and I also know I know what your intentions are behind flirting. 

Like, I know that that's your character. And by no means that I ever wanna come along and say, well, don't speak to women, you know, or don't speak like that or behave this way because I would automatically put you into a a restrictive way of behaving, and that would alter Stephano, which you're carefree, jokey, crazy spirit is actually what I and fun. 

Spirit is really what I love about you. So I know that I have such a strong personality Rigid in a good way. Like, I know what I want, but that can also be very confining for the person that you're in a relationship with. So with that being said, I was aware of who you were, who you wanted to be, but I was also starting to understand your intentions behind you flirting with other women. It would make me feel unstable.

 But when I realized that that has actually had nothing to do with me with you, sorry, but it had everything to do with me and how I felt that I was feeling threatened.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:08:29]:

Yes. I understand what you mean. Was I doing something that despite the fact that you were getting annoyed by my behavior. In a way, I was also reinstating my my love for you because 

Yes. I do understand that I do have a flirty personality, and I do have an admiration for the opposite sex, but that comes also from a place of innocence. You understand what I mean is I the the person might perceiving in a wrong way that I'm interested. 

But in my in my point of view, if I see a man or a woman, that is good looking or I don't know. Has a very nice sense of style I will say it. The other person though might perceive it as he's hitting on me.

Hélène Ioannides [00:09:33]:

But let's just put this into context. If you were to be living in the states, you wouldn't be considered flirty.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:09:39]:

No. I would be considered friendly.

Hélène Ioannides [00:09:42]:

Yes. Exactly. It just it's it's a different way of communicating and expressing ourselves within this small island that we live on that that you or, you know, in London, for example, people are not so outgoing, whereas you are. So it's a cultural thing. 

So I understood that with your behavior, you I wouldn't say, yes, you have an admiration to the opposite sex, but you love people. You are interested in people. And the way that you speak to women, it's because you are curious in finding out who are they? 

What does that mean? You know, like, why, why do they behave that way? Why are they dressing that way? What's their backgrounds? So with that, my own curiosity of me understanding that your interest didn't necessarily come from you wanting to get in someone's pants.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:10:38]:

Mhmm.

Hélène Ioannides [00:10:39]:

And it was also feeding your own insecurities. Let's put that out there as well that you...

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:10:48]:

My validation of my need to be loved, accepted. And before I met you and, maybe this has been an ongoing path for me. I've fallen into the the trap of the shadow lover. And the shadow lover is the person that it's so addicted to attention to sex to to receiving love from the opposite sex. 

And throughout the years, I've also accumulated a lot of shame around my old self in the way that person was because I understand that that person was an immature person with a lot of insecurities. And when we fall into that trap of looking for validation, random relationships, sexual gratification, then at the end of the day, we never feel fulfilled. 

We never feel truly loved, we still feel alone. We might get the validation. Okay. Maybe we're good looking and maybe a woman or a man might decide. My kin, in my case, a woman might decide to share her body with you, but doesn't mean that that person loves you. Eventually, a man within the framework of the shadow lover also becomes an instrument of satisfaction and object.

 A man becomes objectified. And falling synced into that, infantile model of receiving, but never really giving or carrying the divine lover or the lover archetype is a person that also

Hélène Ioannides [00:12:45]:

-- Loves themselves. --

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:12:47]:

loves themselves.

Hélène Ioannides [00:12:49]:

first and foremost

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:12:50]:

First and foremost and comes from that position to also serve.

Hélène Ioannides [00:12:56]:

Mhmm. Yes.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:12:57]:

Whereas the shadow library is the opposite, is there to take something away or satisfy their

Hélène Ioannides [00:13:04]:

own -- -- their own their own their own needs, their own ins their own insufficiencies that they feel from themselves. They are seeking that from somebody else.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:13:15]:

So you have actually managed to put certain boundaries for me. And you controlled the shadow lover. And you slowly started putting boundaries for me. To become more accountable for my relationship. Mhmm. More responsible. Mhmm. Show up as the best version of myself. Yep. And, and I'm truly thankful for that because I I don't know how this could have happened if I haven't met you, maybe this was my path of enlightenment.

 This -- Maybe. And this was my path of enlightenment. It has come through you but it would have taken me many, many years to understand a lot of things about myself. And it was through this friction that we had together that came into realization.

Hélène Ioannides [00:14:14]:

We were arguing and We had anger spurts for maybe a year and a half. Talking about anger spurts and going through a process of, a whole year of just arguing and having this friction between us that, in fact, helped us so much to lay a really strong foundation as to who we are in the relationship and what our boundaries are and what we're accepting of from each other. It took a lot of compromise, I think, is the word that I would use. A lot of the times, I could see where you were making space --

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:15:02]:

Mhmm.

Hélène Ioannides [00:15:02]:

-- for who I was truly. So, you know, I would respond in a specific way. I would be really, really angry. And You would look at me and be like, my god. You're so cute. And I'm like, what the fuck? You're aggravating me right now. 

How could you still find love in your heart to look at me? In that way and to feel that, oh, there's this, like, it's like you could see this in a child in me, and you were giving me love, and that would throw me off. So, obviously, my anger would soften. And with that softening, I would realize that when you would go through your process of whatever, you know, that was aggravating me. 

Like, I brought more kindness and compassion to how I would view your flaws. And we would do this dance between us of always giving each other space.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:16:05]:

Yes. Yes. Now I've never thought about this before, but I was and our obvious level have changed so much as a man since since that time. Because I was more into my more childlike energy, more more love, more understanding, and I had the eyes to see your innocence. Which was a magnetizing for me. 

And but I also, on another point of view, I was thinking, Oh my gosh. She cares. She cares about me. Hi, guys. Thank you for watching. I'm doctor Stephanos Ioannou, and I'm a psychophysiologist. I specialize on stress and anxiety and also on communication issues between couples. 

So for those of you that might be facing this type of problems, I write the link for you below to book your one to one session with me. See you there for her to to respond in this way and and for me to trigger her, It means that she I'm actually being loved here. 

And I felt validated because I I sometimes even even today, I'm thinking What have I done to deserve so much love from this woman? What have I done to to see me and admire me in this way? 

Obviously, there are certain issues over there that I I need to keep working on, in terms of my the love that I should have for myself in the way I show up for myself on a daily basis. But what I would like to ask you is do you think And and I understand that the way you were responding to me, I did not make you feel safe.

Hélène Ioannides [00:17:54]:

No. None at all. Mhmm.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:17:56]:

And a lot of men they say, oh, she's jealous. She's a crazy bitch. She's,

Hélène Ioannides [00:18:04]:

I was crazy.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:18:05]:

Yeah. You are crazy, and, you are violent as well. But, that that's that's not the point, though. Yeah. You did punch me once or twice. Right? I don't remember. I really many women believe that a man needs or has to feel jealous for them to feel loved.

Hélène Ioannides [00:18:32]:

I've lost you.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:18:33]:

Okay. So this jealous?

Hélène Ioannides [00:18:37]:

Yes.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:18:38]:

Kinda said it's kind of a twofold question.

Hélène Ioannides [00:18:41]:

Mhmm.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:18:42]:

Let's start with the I wanna I wanna pick your brain on this. Many women

Hélène Ioannides [00:18:48]:

-- Mhmm. --

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:18:49]:

they wanna poke their man

Hélène Ioannides [00:18:52]:

-- Mhmm. --

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:18:53]:

to feel jealous because through his jealousy they feel like they're being loved. Okay. Yeah. Although the way I see it for myself

Hélène Ioannides [00:19:08]:

-- Mhmm.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:19:09]:

If I feel insecure in a relationship and I feel like I've been co compared to someone else, which can also be constructive in a way, I would wanna run away. Because I wouldn't feel safe in that relationship.

Hélène Ioannides [00:19:27]:

Mhmm.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:19:29]:

Especially at the first steps of a relationship.

Hélène Ioannides [00:19:32]:

Okay.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:19:33]:

If I cannot trust the person that I'm with and this is something that you gave me, I trusted you because why did I how did I trust you? I trusted you because you were extremely difficult to approach. You knew where you stand when we're we work together in a club or in a public place. You were not looking around.

Hélène Ioannides [00:19:56]:

Mhmm. You were.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:19:58]:

I was. Yeah. The way you spoke to me and if I overstep certain boundaries immediately, you could reinstate the boundaries.

Hélène Ioannides [00:20:11]:

Yeah. So going back to that comment that I just made with regards to you looking around, one thing that I always used to do. And I'm still I would still do it at times even today. I give you a taste of urine medicine. It sounds vindictive, but it always brings you into awareness. And when I'm doing it, I'm also doing it from a place of I'm aware that I'm doing it.

 So I'm not, you know, I wouldn't, for example, if you when we first met, you might speak to someone that you knew, and that would make me feel unsafe. You won't just speak into them, maybe it's a previous relationship, whatever. 

And I would say that then I would purposely go and speak to someone that was -- Friend. -- a friend or knew me or maybe I didn't know, you know, just to Yeah. Just to to poke you a little bit, just so you know that, you know, you can't take someone for granted. 

And They won't just be there because you said you're together with the other person, making sure that you knew that And I still do it until today that you you have to keep working for this relationship. And that's where most relationships do go wrong because They forget, and they take the other person for granted. 

And then all of the times you say that I keep poking you. Whether it's where you can be in your career or our relationship, as a parent, and I do that because I expect the highest level of integrity and commitment from myself to myself ends in our relationship ends with how I function as a parent, where I see my career going, and vice versa for you. 

So It sounds like they're very high standards, but I think it's just that for me, it's a reminder of our our possibilities, our capacity, our potential as people. Because we have a lot. Every single person does, but it's just it's a reminder. Sometimes we forget. We just get into our routines, and it's just like, well, it feels comfortable here. So why would I change it?

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:22:33]:

It's safe.

Hélène Ioannides [00:22:34]:

Yeah. Like, doing this podcast, you know, it probably it wouldn't have come about if I didn't sit and organize it.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:22:40]:

That's true. That's true.

Hélène Ioannides [00:22:41]:

And to me, that's, you know, it could've been like, okay. Just sit back. You're already, you know, you've got your clients. You you're doing what you're doing. You're a mother, but there's there's always room for growth.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:22:54]:

I love what you you've mentioned. Never take your partner for granted

Hélène Ioannides [00:23:00]:

-- Mhmm --

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:23:00]:

which is something that a lot of relationships do. And, they don't reinstate their commitment on a daily basis. Yeah. Especially as soon as they wake up, I choose you. Yeah. I choose you. I choose to show up as the highest version of myself. And the way that you keep me on on my toes is that you invest on yourself. Every day you choose to show up as your best self in your relationship as a mother, as a professional, And I see a prototype. I see a person that is actually trying to be the best version of themselves in a variety of different domains. And I need to step up as well because I know that if I don't, Eventually, the relationship is slowly gonna start sliding.

Hélène Ioannides [00:23:57]:

Yeah. We're gonna just take our own parts because I'm going in a specific direction. As

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:24:04]:

spiritually, physically, mentally, professionally, emotionally, so a relationship develops as people develop. And if we stop developing together,

Hélène Ioannides [00:24:21]:

in the same direction.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:24:22]:

In the same direction, then the relationship starts falling apart. And you see many couples like, One of them is super fit. The other one is not. One of them reads books. The other one doesn't have the same aspirations. One cares for their family. The other one doesn't. One does yoga. A man might never follow the woman like sunsets, the man will never go and sit and watch a sunset.

Hélène Ioannides [00:24:49]:

Yeah. But this is where compromise comes in as well. You know, there's small things that you can understand. Okay. He has a love for this. Like, you love fish. You love --

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:25:00]:

Diving.

Hélène Ioannides [00:25:01]:

Diving. I don't, but I still put myself in the process of understanding. Okay. What is it? Fishing. What is an angel for his, like, you know, that, like, I would see, I'll be like, oh, that's an anemone. Like, I had no idea what that was. But I actually sat and thought, okay. It's interesting to him. There must be interest something interesting here.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:25:25]:

Yes.

Hélène Ioannides [00:25:25]:

That can spark my own curiosity. I can learn something about it. Okay. He likes to go diving. I'm gonna try scuba diving, and we do. You know, we've been to the Bahamas. We went to Mexico. We've been and because of that, that's, openness and curiosity to be able to see the world through your eyes as well.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:25:48]:

You showed interest.

Hélène Ioannides [00:25:49]:

I showed interest.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:25:50]:

You showed interest in my inner child.

Hélène Ioannides [00:25:52]:

Yeah.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:25:53]:

And that inner child always shouts for attention and wants to be seen even for the craziest stuff. It could be, I don't know, something random. It could be a painting. It could be arts and crafts. And and the fact that you always show interest in my weirdest aspirations like, carnivorous plants or,

Hélène Ioannides [00:26:21]:

I love that weirdness

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:26:22]:

about it.

Hélène Ioannides [00:26:23]:

You see that?

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:26:23]:

And, can you imagine? An insects. And I know you hate insects, and you're like, Oh, that's a nice insect. It looks like a big cockroach. What is it? Take it away from me. But can I please put it in our room and you're like, maybe if you if you put it in that corner, eventually, it kind of disappears somewhere?

Hélène Ioannides [00:26:44]:

That was the perkiness, though. About you that I loved. I love that that weirdness. And if I was to say, well, you know what? You need to grow up. That would take the fun loving spirit out of you.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:26:58]:

Or if you would say to me, oh, you're not an ordinary man, you don't like football, or you don't like I don't know, team sports. I would feel inadequate because this is something that I grew up with my whole life.

Hélène Ioannides [00:27:14]:

You're always different.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:27:15]:

I was always different. I had different forms of aspirations, different different appreciation of different things.

Hélène Ioannides [00:27:24]:

Of life. Yeah.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:27:25]:

Of life. I was more into my creative side and and something that was one of the the greatest moments for me that I've literally just falling into this relationship, excuse me, without a parachute full of love was when I started showing you parts of my childhood, on how I've used to spend time with myself growing up and you embrace those things. Because I wasn't really the most confident guy in saying, you know what? I like Lego. I like painting.

Hélène Ioannides [00:28:13]:

Oh, by the way, he actually does. Yes. We have Legos over the house.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:28:16]:

I like, I like playing the flute.

Hélène Ioannides [00:28:20]:

And that's still in the house. Yes.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:28:22]:

Yes. And that's still in the house. I like fashion. Yeah. I like poetry. I'm a sensitive guy.

Hélène Ioannides [00:28:30]:

Yeah.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:28:31]:

And growing up in a society that it's, very action based with toxic masculine traits.

Hélène Ioannides [00:28:40]:

I gave you the space.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:28:41]:

He gave me the space.

Hélène Ioannides [00:28:43]:

To be you. To be me. And to allow that in a child, feel safe. And in that safety, you're able to be yourself. So that's when when you would put on this facade of the player, that's when I wasn't interested. It was the moment that you took that facade down and you actually showed me your sensitivity that I thought, oh, I like this guy. I can see the real you. I can see what you're made of. And you know me, I like deep stuff, and I like I like substantial conversations and things that, that feel real. And when I could see that you were putting on this facade, I could also see the light in you. But as soon as you were able to just tap into that, innocence and feel safe to be you, that's when I was able to truly love you. So I exposed my vulnerability. (Correct)

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:29:47]:

And I also give you ammunition to use that against me. Yeah. Because you kind of knew that I was shy about all these things.

Hélène Ioannides [00:29:57]:

Yes. And I I I encourage you to come out of your your comfort zone of what society, your parents,

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:30:05]:

your friends,

Hélène Ioannides [00:30:06]:

yeah, to told you to be. Whereas I love that about you. That's what I loved about you. I thought, oh my god. He's different. Look at this.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:30:17]:

And many men, including me, before I've met you, they put on this mask of what society expects them to be like. Yeah. Macho. Let's make a lot of money. I'm making money or making things up that I'm I'm this and that, although I'm it could be nothing like that. And a lot of men do that to be accepted, to be loved, but if you wanna build a long lasting connection with any woman, you need to be vulnerable as a man. Whether it's your workplace, whether those things are your relationships, at the meet that you're jealous, at the meet that you feel insecure, at at the meet that you feel inadequate, so that your partner and that's where the divine feminine comes in because the divine feminine can take that vulnerability and through love, it can guide you in nurture it into a place where you can grow. And you have done this in many occasions in my personal life.

Hélène Ioannides [00:31:25]:

The key looking back on our relationship until today, in the past, we might have argued and triggered each other. And it might have turned aggressive, or toxic But that was our form of communication then because we didn't know how to put it into words. Now with the years, our communication style has changed and we are able to sit there and actually put our emotions on the table and say what you did made me feel this way. And you don't turn around and say, it's in your heads and there's, you know, you're just making it up. You actually acknowledge and say, okay. I hear you. I I understand how that could have made you feel that way. That wasn't my intention. And next time, I will be aware of how I do things and vice versa. You'll come to me and say, you know what? I didn't like.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:32:23]:

I felt hurt.

Hélène Ioannides [00:32:24]:

I felt hurt. You know, or the way that you speak is very harsh. It's something that you you tell me a lot. And --

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:32:31]:

But maybe this is what I wanna hear as well. So I think -- Yeah.

Hélène Ioannides [00:32:35]:

Let me just finish this point that your communication in a relationship is key as well as vulnerability from both ends. And what's your vulnerability taught me was that it was okay to be vulnerable because I had the programming that vulnerability is weak. That you have to be tough and to show emotions is is not

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:33:10]:

Okay.

Hélène Ioannides [00:33:10]:

It's not respected. It's not okay. So when it came from you, it gave me permission to also understand that maybe I can be vulnerable. Which took many years for me to work on and understand that I could cry in front of you. And that I I, you know, crying was actually a release of energy. It was it was cleansing for me. It was okay to to feel and experience. And through the vulnerability and our communication, we were teaching each other. Things that we wanted to learn about ourselves.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:33:50]:

We're holding up the mirror for each other.

Hélène Ioannides [00:33:52]:

Constantly, and we still do that even when it's hard. Even through the tough times, we do that. We hold up the mirror

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:34:01]:

The way I see any relationship and, is that a good relationship helps you remember who you truly are in your core being. And the distractions that we have around us, these memories. They don't allow us to remember what is our true goal purpose? What it is to be a woman or a man? Really be a woman and really be a man. And for that to slowly unfold, I think that the first thing that any relationship needs to cultivate is safety. Yes. You will save to express yourself. Are you talking on top of each other? When someone opens up in regards to their emotions on how they feel. Do you listen?

Hélène Ioannides [00:35:04]:

Mhmm. Mhmm.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:35:06]:

Do you validate those emotions?

Hélène Ioannides [00:35:08]:

Are you present? I think presence is key. I don't think I know the presence is key, which is what we do. And when we don't do it, that's when we feel disconnected. I'm, you know, I'm not gonna sit here and say that we we manage, but we try at least 60% of the time Recently, we've realized that we're, you know, we're all we're going in our, on our own, tangent of thoughts and on work with having our events and our retreats, and our clients, and --

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:35:43]:

And there's a lot of chasing.

Hélène Ioannides [00:35:44]:

There's a lot of chasing. There's a lot of exploring ourselves as well. And in that as, you know, being a mother and you having a very full workload and me taking on the projects behind the scene and doing the marketing and the management of everything, we have each kind of started to feel more disconnected and therefore, What have we done? We went on a trip together.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:36:08]:

Mhmm.

Hélène Ioannides [00:36:09]:

So we're remembering. We're bringing ourselves back, and we went on a trip to a place that we went 14 years ago. You know, to reconnect and relive those memories and recreate them and think and take moments and pauses to see how far we've come, who we've become, and how we show up for each other. In those 14 years, like, we're taking time for us.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:36:40]:

And what I realized is that I remember when we're sitting in a in the same bedroom. And as a twenty three, twenty four year old, now I'm thirty seven. I used to just sit and observe you put your makeup on for 30 minutes for an hour. I was like, this woman is so beautiful. And I've lost that throughout the years. I'm not present enough. I'm constantly rushing to be on time, to do the next thing, and I don't take the time to connect with you. And that is painful for me because I'm forgetting. I'm becoming dismembered. But the things that I should be doing instead of being present and appreciating what I have.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:37:39]:

I love you so much. And that's her up for today's episode. Thank you all for watching these beautiful and intimate moments of our relationship. Join us on our next episode where we'll be discussing sexual intimacy.

Hélène Ioannides [00:38:04]:

Oh, we are.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:38:06]:

Yes. We are.

Hélène Ioannides [00:38:08]:

Thank you so much for watching this episode. It's been an absolute pleasure filming it for you guys. If you like the work that are putting out into the world, please make sure you like this video and you subscribe to our channel. It really helps the work that we do.

Dr. Stephanos Ioannou [00:38:21]:

And if you would like to follow our journey on our IG accounts, as well as learn more about our services, we provide everything for you in the description below. Thanks for watching.